I’m Fat and I Finally Found a Bike!

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Hello fellow fat bikers! This is my main post about biking. Read on to find out how to purchase your bike, learn about retailers that cater to us, and enjoy my experiences as a fat biker. This post has been around for a long time and I keep updating it, so some of this may not interest you. Just keep scrolling until you find the information you need. Happy riding!

David Dao is about to be PAID in full!

A ​concussion. Broken nose. Two missing teeth. Will have reconstructive surgery.

No, these are not the injuries of a captured criminal. A terrorist did not sustain these injuries! They belong to a 69 year old doctor that didn’t want to miss his flight.

In case you’re curious, one becomes a senior citizen after age 65. Yes, yes, somebody’s grandpa got their ass kicked for not wanting to give up a seat on a plane … a seat that they paid for.

Companies don’t give a damn that Atlanta is “full”

I’m sure you’ve seen the meme above and laughed as hard as me. Anyone that’s tried to run an errand in the city between 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. absolutely feels like Atlanta is full. However, corporations have not gotten the memo. Nor do they want it.

If you know me personally, you’re aware that my day job is in graphic design. My career trajectory has been corporate. I have avoided the mom and pop shops and ad agencies most people associate with my profession. What I can tell you is that, almost every position I’ve applied to in the last five years has had the option of being in Atlanta, Dallas, or Houston. My current company also offered Nashville and Tampa. And sometimes, there’s a Midwest option in say, Kansas or Missouri.

I AM NOT ROOTING FOR YOU

Does the above meme look familiar? This week, I saw it quite a few times in different variations. It reads, “Just because we didn’t work out, doesn’t mean I stopped rooting for you.”

That is so inspiring. Do you feel like that? I don’t. If someone hurt me or broke my heart, FUCK THEM.

And yes, I’ve said those words before. I was lying. When I said them to a person that hurt me, I lied to their face. I was trying to be the bigger person. Bitches.

Tuesday’s Blurbs …

As a child, I experienced some of my best naps when an adult put on Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. This past weekend, my niece and I went to see the movie in 3D. Midway through, we were both sound asleep and didn’t awaken until the movie was almost over. After it went off, a few people in the theater clapped. My niece looked as confused as I was that anyone had enjoyed it. Walking to the car, she looked over at me said, “TiTi, we should not have saw that!” I couldn’t have agreed more. I don’t know why I listened to the internet. That cartoon was boring then, and the movie is boring now. Special effects can’t fix the lamest love story ever told.

Thursday’s Blurbs …

A number out of Indiana called me three times this morning before I answered. It turned out to be Sallie Mae (Navient isn’t a real thing). She wanted to know when I’d be paying $200. I explained to her that I’d just paid $400. Then she said “thank you for your payment” and asked me for $200 again. I told her I was now “broke as hell.” She said she understood. Then, after learning I was employed, made a reasonable wage, and wasn’t on government assistance, she informed me she couldn’t help me with any alternative options, but said if I agreed to make another payment within 30 days, she wouldn’t report to my credit. Ask me if I care about her reporting to my credit. I already have a house, car, credit card, and every other soul sucking option you use good credit to attain. I’m sufficiently broke and don’t need anything else. As for the next payment? She gone be waiting!

If you believe, you can achieve! Marissa Mayer has proven you don’t have to excel at your job to be a BAWSE!

By Robert Scoble – “Marissa Mayer, introducing new search features” at Flickr, CC BY 2.0

If the deal goes through without incident, Marissa Mayer will lose her job as CEO of Yahoo!, but receive a 23 million dollar severance package. In July, she’ll have been with the company five years.

In comparison, I was laid off from my job after 4 years and 10 months. I can’t recall the number now, but after taxes paid me a visit without lube, my severance check amounted to a little over $3,000. Most of my friends considered me to be lucky.

Tuesday’s Blurbs …


I am not shocked by Ben Carson’s speech. You shouldn’t be either. He agreed to run the Housing and Urban Development department, but his expertise is medicine. When was the last time you sought out your doctor’s advice to buy a house? And before we all jump on the “Ben Carson is stupid” train, lets remember he’s a famed neurosurgeon. It’s not a hoax. He performed amazing surgery. So, instead of insulting his intelligence, how about we just accept what he’s been telling us from the very beginning: He gives ZERO FUCKS. When somebody tells you who they are, believe them.

My mom had a dream to take us to paradise and make Florida home

An old picture of mom in one of those ridiculous Florida shirts.

Sometimes I dream I’m back in Florida. Nothing really happens. I’m usually just driving over the Gandy Bridge to St. Pete or walking around Ybor or pulling up on Siesta Key or riding my bike in South Tampa. Lately, I’ve started to think those dreams aren’t just about Florida. Maybe they’re my mom’s way of talking to me.

When somebody dies, you’re probably going to hear about it on Facebook first, so make sure you’re connected to the people you care about

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The night when Doug and I first met. Kindred from the start.

Many years ago, way back when I first met my homeboy Doug, we mentioned becoming Facebook friends. The conversation went something like this:

Doug: “Aight, cool. Send me a request.”
Me: Staring at him like he’d lost his mind. “Nah, you send me a request! I don’t send people friend requests!”
Doug: Staring back at me as if I’d lost my mind first. “I don’t either!”
Me: “Well I guess we aint gone be friends!”

That’s what I liked about Doug. His ego was as big as mine.

Friday’s Blurbs …

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I’m so sick of Barack and Michelle’s Obama’s vacation. Why is Barack Obama so happy while over half of the country is miserable? Why doesn’t he MISS us?! We need to force his ass to come back to work.

I hate reading on social media about immigration. It just shows how uninformed and utterly lacking in compassion many Americans are. You can spend 20 years legally navigating through our immigration process and still not be a citizen. And if you have children here, they can’t even START the process and sponsor you until they’re over the age of 20. Becoming an American citizen is hard, expensive, and takes a long time. As such, I feel confident saying that if your first words are “deport them” in the immigration debate, you are a dick. And apparently, that’s something YOU’VE spent 20 years working on. Being a dick.

Why in the hell didn’t I know about New Orleans?!

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Photo by Michael DeMocker, NOLA.com | The Times-Picayune

Have you heard about what happened in New Orleans yet?

I have a buddy there. Today, I sent her a Snapchat message and asked if she was okay. She is. Her soror, who’s home (along with her newly remodeled kitchen) ended up across the street? Maybe not so much. Thankfully, the dog survived inside the house as it was relocated. Grim stuff.

My first set of blurbs in 2017

 

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The same people that pray for Bishop Eddie Long condemn out and honest gay people. Kim Burrell gave a sermon condemning homosexuality, but had plans to perform on “Ellen,” even though Ellen is the gayest woman in America. The black church has a message problem. Just be anti-gay and stay that way and stop soliciting money, talent, and exposure from the very people you condemn.

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And yes, I know Shirley Caesar came out in support of Kim Burrell. I’m not surprised and I don’t care because Shirley Ceasar is a gospel thug and I love her. You ain’t black unless you’ve got an old, religious, homophobic family member that you still like. YOU NAME IT!!!

Monday’s Blurbs …

jackbrad-wideYou ever wake up, get dressed and walk out the door feeling like Brad Pitt, just to pass by a mirror and see you’re looking more like Jack Nicholson? That shit just happened to me this morning. Freaking Mondays.

 

pope_francisPope Francis has given priests the right to forgive abortions. This just happened in 2016. Before this year, I guess you just drowned in a pool of your own shame, guilt, and regret. If ever there was a religion to wrap you in the weight of your own inadequacies, it’s Catholicism. It’s a wonder every serial killer hasn’t been a Catholic. Can you imagine living your whole life without forgiveness? That’s enough to drive someone mad.

Thursday’s Blurbs … The Flummox Edition

Some things in this life just flummox me. Things like:

squatty-potty

Photo: www.squattypotty.com

Toilet Design. I have Squatty Potty’s in all of my bathrooms. It has changed my life. Why in the world are toilets still designed the same? Like, who is the guy in charge of the toilet companies that’s saying, “Skip what we’ve learned about the colon, toilets aren’t going to change!!!”

Overweight vegetarians. I will give you a pass if you just started a year ago, but five years later, I have to ask what’s happening. What in the hell are you putting in your broccoli dish?! And why in the world would anyone give up burgers and bacon if they weren’t going to get skinny?

President Trump

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By now, I imagine acceptance has set in that Donald Trump is our president. Fortunately, I’ve prepared myself. After the Bernie fiasco, I knew we were headed for trouble, and by the time the debates were coming to an end, it seemed clear that even those rejecting Trump’s rhetoric weren’t prepared to embrace Clinton.

Actually, even Democrats struggled to embrace Clinton. How many of us voted for Bernie? Even the traditionally staunch and dependable black community showed trepidation. Black Twitter trending #GirlIGuessImWithHer said it all. Hillary Clinton faced a country wanting something new, especially after 8 years with a Democratic president, and what she brought to the table was an old name and nothing inspiring. Her years of experience were overshadowed by the years of having actually experienced her.

Every press conference Colin Kaepernick participates in proves we aren’t doing enough

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People are still talking about Colin Kaerpernick and it makes me want to throw up. He’s speaking about injustice, in particular racial injustice, and critics are still trying to pick his stance apart. As if caring about injustice is criminal.

People will look you in the eye and say they aren’t racist (and believe it), but reactions tell a different story.