I’m Fat and I Finally Found a Bike!



Hello fellow fat bikers! This is my main post about biking. Read on to find out how to purchase your bike, learn about retailers that cater to us, and enjoy my experiences as a fat biker. This post has been around for a long time and I keep updating it, so some of this may not interest you. Just keep scrolling until you find the information you need. Happy riding!

Wednesdays Blurbs …

I was standing in the Philadelphia Airport when I first heard about the attacks in Istanbul. Not long after, my flight was delayed. As I sat around, nearly touching people because so many were delayed, it occurred to me how vulnerable we all were. Does anyone really believe the TSA can protect us? I was selected to be patted down because I forgot to take my laptop out of my carry-on bag. As I stood there with my arms up, I couldn’t help but think about how much time was being wasted feeling me up. The type of people who want to hurt others aren’t as careless as me. They’re not stupid. They won’t get caught unless they want to be. The reality is, we aren’t safe. Luckily, my boss is well aware of my anxiety and as I started babbling about Istanbul, she leaned over and said, “Don’t worry, we will be fine. If you want some attention, you blow up New York, not Philadelphia.” It was a nice moment of levity. I needed that … but I’m not stupid enough to believe it’s true. Bad things happen everywhere. Father, protect me and those I love.

It’s hard out here on a date!

Finding-Dory-Disney-pixar-2016Date night cost me over $100. Everything is high as hell. I talked my way into a small discount at the movie theater and still spent $24. To see “Finding Dory.” What are the kids paying?! Japanese food is never cheap. Bartenders gotta be tipped. At this point in life and the economy, if we not in love, we don’t need to damn date. I’m starting to understand why so many are on the “Netflix and Chill” tip. I mean, even if the date was dutch, I’d have still spent over $50! Spending that kind of money just to “hope” somebody is engaging just don’t seem worth it. I got a mortgage!
So how do people that make minimum wage date? How do single mothers date? How do men who pay child support date? Yall gotta be creative. It’s a dude packing a picnic basket right now! She think he romantic. He done read my post. And quiet as it kept, unless he get food stamps, he done broke the bank to pack that picnic basket! You low key eating blocks of cheap cheese. Gouda prices are through the roof!


Wednesday’s Blurbs …

MeWork-WebI think I’ve re-injured my ankle. I can’t even begin to tell you how traumatic this is for me. Last year, after 31 years of being an able bodied, “clumsy, yet never been hurt or ever felt my weight even though I’m obese” person, I fell and severely sprained my ankle. This injury changed my life. For the first time, ever, I felt my body when I walked. Suddenly, my lack of athleticism mattered, because I was at the mercy of my own clumsiness, often having to painfully catch myself on the crutches before tripping. And, almost immediately, every ill advised eating decision I ever made literally weighed on me as I shuffled uncomfortably along on crutches. Basically, I was all fucked up. And now, there’s a chance I’m right back where I started. Heaven help me. PIMP DOWN!!!

Wednesday’s Blurbs …

heartsYears ago, my relationship was on life support. Not even a desperate shopping spree to load my girlfriend up with her favorite things could save us. Not long after, we cut the cord and began dating other people. However, there was something inside of me that couldn’t entirely let go. Perhaps it was that I loved her so much. More than likely, it was that I was an immature, selfish, butthead that wanted my girlfriend back the minute I saw her happy with someone else. Either way, I concocted a plan to get her back. Of course it was poorly thought out and destined to fail, because truthfully, neither one of us were really interested in rekindling the flame. I won’t bore you with talk of my desperate attempts at romance, though the Valentine’s Day gift of towering balloons, cheese and wine was quite the spectacle. Nor will I recap the painful lunch where I let her know she needed to let the “new boo” go. What I will do, instead, is take this time out to say “Ted Cruz.”

Thursday’s Blurbs … Rest In Paradise Prince

Prince-s-passport-photo-jpgPrince is dead at age 57. His publicist has confirmed it. You can watch live coverage hereLord have mercy, not the great purple one! My heart is just too heavy. The only positive thing I can think to say at this moment is that, in addition to his amazing music catalog, he has left behind the world’s fiercest passport photo. Rest in Paradise my brother. There may never be another like you. A true original.