I’m Fat and I Finally Found a Bike!

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Hello fellow fat bikers! This is my main post about biking. Read on to find out how to purchase your bike, learn about retailers that cater to us, and enjoy my experiences as a fat biker. This post has been around for a long time and I keep updating it, so some of this may not interest you. Just keep scrolling until you find the information you need. Happy riding!

When somebody dies, you’re probably going to hear about it on Facebook first, so make sure you’re connected to the people you care about

dougandI-web

The night when Doug and I first met. Kindred from the start.

Many years ago, way back when I first met my homeboy Doug, we mentioned becoming Facebook friends. The conversation went something like this:

Doug: “Aight, cool. Send me a request.”
Me: Staring at him like he’d lost his mind. “Nah, you send me a request! I don’t send people friend requests!”
Doug: Staring back at me as if I’d lost my mind first. “I don’t either!”
Me: “Well I guess we aint gone be friends!”

That’s what I liked about Doug. His ego was as big as mine.

Friday’s Blurbs …

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I’m so sick of Barack and Michelle’s Obama’s vacation. Why is Barack Obama so happy while over half of the country is miserable? Why doesn’t he MISS us?! We need to force his ass to come back to work.

I hate reading on social media about immigration. It just shows how uninformed and utterly lacking in compassion many Americans are. You can spend 20 years legally navigating through our immigration process and still not be a citizen. And if you have children here, they can’t even START the process and sponsor you until they’re over the age of 20. Becoming an American citizen is hard, expensive, and takes a long time. As such, I feel confident saying that if your first words are “deport them” in the immigration debate, you are a dick. And apparently, that’s something YOU’VE spent 20 years working on. Being a dick.

Why in the hell didn’t I know about New Orleans?!

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Photo by Michael DeMocker, NOLA.com | The Times-Picayune

Have you heard about what happened in New Orleans yet?

I have a buddy there. Today, I sent her a Snapchat message and asked if she was okay. She is. Her soror, who’s home (along with her newly remodeled kitchen) ended up across the street? Maybe not so much. Thankfully, the dog survived inside the house as it was relocated. Grim stuff.

My first set of blurbs in 2017

 

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The same people that pray for Bishop Eddie Long condemn out and honest gay people. Kim Burrell gave a sermon condemning homosexuality, but had plans to perform on “Ellen,” even though Ellen is the gayest woman in America. The black church has a message problem. Just be anti-gay and stay that way and stop soliciting money, talent, and exposure from the very people you condemn.

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And yes, I know Shirley Caesar came out in support of Kim Burrell. I’m not surprised and I don’t care because Shirley Ceasar is a gospel thug and I love her. You ain’t black unless you’ve got an old, religious, homophobic family member that you still like. YOU NAME IT!!!

Monday’s Blurbs …

jackbrad-wideYou ever wake up, get dressed and walk out the door feeling like Brad Pitt, just to pass by a mirror and see you’re looking more like Jack Nicholson? That shit just happened to me this morning. Freaking Mondays.

 

pope_francisPope Francis has given priests the right to forgive abortions. This just happened in 2016. Before this year, I guess you just drowned in a pool of your own shame, guilt, and regret. If ever there was a religion to wrap you in the weight of your own inadequacies, it’s Catholicism. It’s a wonder every serial killer hasn’t been a Catholic. Can you imagine living your whole life without forgiveness? That’s enough to drive someone mad.

Thursday’s Blurbs … The Flummox Edition

Some things in this life just flummox me. Things like:

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Photo: www.squattypotty.com

Toilet Design. I have Squatty Potty’s in all of my bathrooms. It has changed my life. Why in the world are toilets still designed the same? Like, who is the guy in charge of the toilet companies that’s saying, “Skip what we’ve learned about the colon, toilets aren’t going to change!!!”

Overweight vegetarians. I will give you a pass if you just started a year ago, but five years later, I have to ask what’s happening. What in the hell are you putting in your broccoli dish?! And why in the world would anyone give up burgers and bacon if they weren’t going to get skinny?

President Trump

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By now, I imagine acceptance has set in that Donald Trump is our president. Fortunately, I’ve prepared myself. After the Bernie fiasco, I knew we were headed for trouble, and by the time the debates were coming to an end, it seemed clear that even those rejecting Trump’s rhetoric weren’t prepared to embrace Clinton.

Actually, even Democrats struggled to embrace Clinton. How many of us voted for Bernie? Even the traditionally staunch and dependable black community showed trepidation. Black Twitter trending #GirlIGuessImWithHer said it all. Hillary Clinton faced a country wanting something new, especially after 8 years with a Democratic president, and what she brought to the table was an old name and nothing inspiring. Her years of experience were overshadowed by the years of having actually experienced her.

Every press conference Colin Kaepernick participates in proves we aren’t doing enough

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People are still talking about Colin Kaerpernick and it makes me want to throw up. He’s speaking about injustice, in particular racial injustice, and critics are still trying to pick his stance apart. As if caring about injustice is criminal.

People will look you in the eye and say they aren’t racist (and believe it), but reactions tell a different story.

Crayola was life 

This meme … I tell ya. I remember being in the art supply aisle drooling at this box of crayons. I’d probably have sold my little soul if someone offered them to me. Crayola was life.

I never did get this box. We were too poor.

Maybe a year or two ago, I purchased the Crayola Ultimate Crayon Collection for my niece. 152 crayons. Crayon sharpener. Multi-tiered, four-sided case. As she opened the box, I admired it with pride. I never would’ve dreamed of owning that set of crayons as a kid.

Every kid deserves a pencil

Some of my friends have been on Facebook sharing the Huffington Post blog post “Why I Won’t Buy One Extra Box of Kleenex for my Kid’s School Supplies,” and like most, I clicked on the article expecting to read complaints about the price of school supplies. After all, even during the tax free weekends and times when the supplies are marked down, purchasing just one entire list can make a dent in the pockets. Instead, I was happily surprised to find a blog post written about social responsibility. The clickbait title instead led you to a blog post admonishing people’s selfishness and complaints about helping children and teachers. The author really got it right!

Thursday’s Blurbs …

I tried out Pokémon GO this week. After walking around the office for a few minutes, I decided I’d rather not be unemployed. Yall enjoy that though!

Speaking of Pokémon GO, as cute as the experience is, I can’t help but find the premise flawed. We are already drones to our phones, walking around aimlessly, bumping into things and not paying attention. We do that just to check text messages. People have fallen off cliffs or hurt themselves. Now, who decided this state of being should be a GAME?! And then, they didn’t even consult Google Maps! Got freaking Pokestops in the middle of traffic. Come on Nintendo. Yall can afford to do better.

Wednesdays Blurbs …

I was standing in the Philadelphia Airport when I first heard about the attacks in Istanbul. Not long after, my flight was delayed. As I sat around, nearly touching people because so many were delayed, it occurred to me how vulnerable we all were. Does anyone really believe the TSA can protect us? I was selected to be patted down because I forgot to take my laptop out of my carry-on bag. As I stood there with my arms up, I couldn’t help but think about how much time was being wasted feeling me up. The type of people who want to hurt others aren’t as careless as me. They’re not stupid. They won’t get caught unless they want to be. The reality is, we aren’t safe. Luckily, my boss is well aware of my anxiety and as I started babbling about Istanbul, she leaned over and said, “Don’t worry, we will be fine. If you want some attention, you blow up New York, not Philadelphia.” It was a nice moment of levity. I needed that … but I’m not stupid enough to believe it’s true. Bad things happen everywhere. Father, protect me and those I love.

It’s hard out here on a date!

Finding-Dory-Disney-pixar-2016Date night cost me over $100. Everything is high as hell. I talked my way into a small discount at the movie theater and still spent $24. To see “Finding Dory.” What are the kids paying?! Japanese food is never cheap. Bartenders gotta be tipped. At this point in life and the economy, if we not in love, we don’t need to damn date. I’m starting to understand why so many are on the “Netflix and Chill” tip. I mean, even if the date was dutch, I’d have still spent over $50! Spending that kind of money just to “hope” somebody is engaging just don’t seem worth it. I got a mortgage!
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So how do people that make minimum wage date? How do single mothers date? How do men who pay child support date? Yall gotta be creative. It’s a dude packing a picnic basket right now! She think he romantic. He done read my post. And quiet as it kept, unless he get food stamps, he done broke the bank to pack that picnic basket! You low key eating blocks of cheap cheese. Gouda prices are through the roof!

 

Now she’s just somebody that I used to know

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My girlfriend and I broke up some time ago, though I’m more inclined to say I was dumped. It happened in true Millennial fashion. We got into an argument. I expressed myself and shared my doubts, suggesting maybe we should break up. From there, she clammed up and stopped taking my calls or answering my texts. Then she deleted me off Snapchat. Today, we no longer speak and I doubt I’ll ever see her again. In her defense, it probably sucks to hear your girlfriend say she maybe wants out. In my defense, I said “maybe,” and expressing a doubt should never end a relationship. A relationship should end because two people converse and decide to end it. Nothing was decided together! She’s just gone! So yes, I was dumped. Pure foolishness.

The problem with these dang student loans …

Photo: Navient.com homepage

Photo: Navient.com homepage

I’m back to paying Sallie Mae (the loan shark currently known as Navient). After a year of fighting for lower payments, I’ve finally gotten my payment slightly below $200, though I was hoping to get it below $150. However, given that six months after I graduated they wanted almost $700 and all of these years later, the lowest I’d gotten my payment do was about $360, I decided to accept this defeat with a whimper. So yeah, I paid them, then spent my long weekend on the couch. Sallie has taken my summer. BITCH!

Tuesday’s Blurbs …

Tuesday’s Blurbs …

I’m a firm believer in voting. Even after some of you finish your “it’s all rigged anyway” argument, I still want to know why you didn’t vote. My argument is, “so what if it is rigged?” Nothing will change the fact that blacks, and all people, have AND still die and fight for the right to vote. Too often, having a voice is a not a right, but a privilege. So whether or not you believe your voice can be a deciding factor, I still think you owe it to your ancestors to cast a ballot whenever you can. Voting is a first world problem I can get behind.