When I go to a page online and see photos of women, and all they have is face shots, I am instantly ready to pimp slap them. What are you hiding?!
Right now ladies, ask yourself if you’re one of those people. And if you are, I urge you to follow this advice: READ MORE...
- Find someone to take a picture of you from head to toe.
This is very important. Use me as an example. I don’t have a fat face. By that, I mean, you can see my neck, I lack double chins…etc. However, if you see a full body shot, you will realize that Shaquea is fat. Do not lie about who you are. They should fall for you…ALL OF YOU.
Okay, more like little toddler Shaquea, but you get the point!
And I wrote a Facebook post while standing in line. The post read like this:
“At the courthouse, staring around in complete shock at the attire some of these people have chosen. Who in the hell wakes up and says, “Let’s go to the courthouse in daisy dukes and wornover Nike sandals with my hair all over the top of my head, looking a hot, homeless mess”?!? READ MORE...
And this is the best he could come up with?!?!
Check out this yuppie ass motorcycle I saw at the Starbucks by International Plaza! It’s also in a handicapped space with a sticker. Lol…I just have no words. Anyways…
This motorcycle is not thuggin! The dude that drives up to a motorcycle bar on this is getting beat up. If a guy on a Harley rides up next to you on this, he is going to laugh. This is the equivalent of pulling up to a muscle car rally in a Smart Car. If he rides this thing to the hood, they gonna steal his rims and let him keep the bike! READ MORE...
I am always grateful that Walmart sells out of Blue Bell Banana Pudding ice cream during the day because at night, when I usually shop there, I am able to avoid buying it. Nevermind the fact that I’m not a big sweet eater, am trying to work on not being a fat ass and am lactose…if this ice cream is available, I buy it and attempt to set the world record for eating it.
So the other day, Reasha takes the car to Walmart and surprises me with some for a birthday present. *blank stare* I grabbed this photo off the web, because I’m just too ashamed to show you how little I have left. *sigh* READ MORE...
There comes a moment, when a stud is playing around in a hair store and trying on wigs, where they realize, “Oh shit, I look just like my mother!”
Yep, that happened to me in Beauty Depot. I was only slightly traumatized. But yeah, enjoy my femme looks. Hahaha! I look a hot mess!
And then, after you stop laughing, you need to straight to this story. I swear, they have everything! I’m talkin bout, you can go up in there and get hair supplies, then get you hair did and then accessorize your damn outfit! It’s not a game in Beauty depot. Check out my photos below. I’m holding a big bottle of my favorite Argan Morrocan Oil. I’ve only found this size there! READ MORE...
This is a snap shot of some books on my shelf. Don’t I just seem extra intelligent? Books make everyone look smarter. I mean, even if this was a book about porn or something, some chick would still come on my blog and say, “At least she reading.”
This photo refers to the nonsense heard on tv once the media reported on the sentencing of the Steubenville rapists. The news outlets pretty much spent the whole time blaming the victim and talking about how sad it was that these rapists had to pay for what they’d done. I was absolutely flabbergasted, pissed off and disgusted, all at the same damn time!
I suppose their ridiculous comments were easy to justify since it wasn’t their daughter that got treated like a rag doll and used at sexual predator’s discretion. READ MORE...
There isn’t any ONE way to see an issue and political affiliations are not black and white. I know more right leaning Democrats and left leaning Republicans than hard core liberals and conservatives. We really have to stop demonizing one another.
All Republicans are not anti-black, anti-poor or anti-gay. There are some very open-minded Republicans out there. Democrats are not the only open minded humanitarians in the world.
All Democrats are not sappy, “lets give everyone welfare and give all power to the government” tree huggers. Republicans are not the only ones concerned about personal and financial accountability. READ MORE...
Lay’s Sriracha. I salute you. But not as much as the actual sauce.
UPDATE: Momma Mae’s closed down in mid 2013. Sorry guys! If you didn’t get this, you missed out!
This is a new soul food spot on South Dale Mabry. I definitely recommend you check them out if you like soul food. The chicken was seasoned excellently! That’s hard to find. I also ate some of their black eyed peas and truly enjoyed them. Which is odd, because I don’t like black eyed peas.
I also recommend their carrot cake. It’s bussin!
Another happy nugget: When you visit, you support black owned businesses! READ MORE...
Yes, my birthday is on St. Patrick’s Day. No, the picture above isn’t from today. It’s an older birthday picture, but pretty much expresses my “whatever” mentality about my birthday.
See, it actually stresses me out a bit. Here’s the thing: I wake up on my birthday and I feel this incredible need to do something. Like, it’s a holiday AND my birthday. I feel like I’m wrong if I’m not ready to live it up and run around to bars screaming, “Today is my birthday!” so that I can get free drinks. READ MORE...
Though horribly bruised and moving very slowly, I WALKED AWAY FROM THIS ACCIDENT on Halloween in 2009. May my Jeep, Jennifer, RIP.
And may I continue to earn and embrace this blessing of life. I know, very much so, that God is not through with me yet. I don’t know why I was spared, but I’m so glad I was. And I intend to live my life like it’s golden until it’s finally my time.
They should give me an endorsement deal. Or at least let me earn back some of the money I’ve given them. Times are hard man…times are hard.
And yes, that is a Gold Card on the right. I am aware that it is like, the ultimate sign of excess, but I am not embarrassed. I keep people employed with that card. Bitches.
I seriously, know some of the most awesome Republicans on the planet. Adrienne (Ivory) is a genius. She took this photo and I (Ebony) would really like to send a special shout out to her for showing such care to precious cargo.
Ebony & Ivory fo life! Total Wine & More uniters fo life!
This is not me being stank or bougie. This is me being smart. When you purchase cheap shit, it gives you “cheap shit” problems. Like breaking or dying or falling apart, even though we live in a time where things are practically unbreakable!
For instance, my cheap ass COBY 32 inch flatscreen tv. Now, my mom purchased this. She insisted on me getting a tv, she insisted on paying for it, and she insisted on it being cheap. I argued with her, because I hate cheap shit. She finally rescinded the offer. READ MORE...
I keep telling people: The older the berry, the sweeter the juice!
Call me Naomi. I’m here for you boo! I don’t care if you don’t have any hair! *wink wink*
So I’m in traffic jamming to Mary Mary’s “Go Get It”… I’m talkin bout, it’s a serious, holy ghost party up in the car! So serious, I played the song 3 times. As it ended for the final time, and while I was sitting there feeling extra glorified, dang if Juicy J’s “Bands a Make Her Dance” didn’t come on next. I felt a slight bit of shame as my shoulders began to rock…and then I cut the volume on the song up.
Sweet Baby Jesus! I have got to do a better job of making my playlists! READ MORE...