Wine + Stun Gun = Courage

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Ever been hit by a stun gun? Well, after a few bottles of wine and an episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, me and my homies decided it was worth trying out. I blame ratchet tv.

And so when my buddy Sheree (also one of my main homeskillets, my voice of reason, my writing coach and founder of the open mic I help co-host, Oral Fixation) got it in her mind she could take the hit, I was ready for it!

The nonsense below ensued. Oh and…

MORAL OF THE STORY: Don’t drink wine with a stun gun around.

Shit or Fertilizer

Self Love

I’m often somewhere, grinning or laughing like an idiot, when this question is posed to me: “Hey Shaq! Why are you always in such a good mood?”

My response: “Shit or Fertilizer! That’s my life’s motto!”

So what does that mean, exactly?

Well, everybody passes excrement. You can’t help it. Waste has to be discharged from the body. It’s gross, but necessary. And so, since you can’t avoid this action, perhaps it makes more sense to learn to live with this action.

A Book You Need To Read

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Amazon Says This: In this stunning new book, Malcolm Gladwell takes us on an intellectual journey through the world of “outliers”–the best and the brightest, the most famous and the most successful. He asks the question: what makes high-achievers different?

His answer is that we pay too much attention to what successful people are like, and too little attention to where they are from: that is, their culture, their family, their generation, and the idiosyncratic experiences of their upbringing. Along the way he explains the secrets of software billionaires, what it takes to be a great soccer player, why Asians are good at math, and what made the Beatles the greatest rock band.

Gay Community Peeve

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Nothing irks me more than overly possessive people in relationships. When I’m out and see people that I know, particular femmes, I like to wave hello and/or speak. I mean, hey, I’m friendly. And it usually goes something like this:

I say “hi,” the woman acknowledges me, and suddenly her girlfriend, the stud, pops up and gives me the death stare. You know, the stare where they look at you so intensely you think you’re going to explode, while staring at you with a fake smile that says “I want to stab you?” Yeah, that uncomfortable stare.

5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Have Missed Mo’Nique at the Improv

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1. Mo’Nique is still HILARIOUS!

I’m sure some of you wondered if she still had it. Let’s be real here: Your exposure to Mo’Nique, in the last few years, has been less funny and more dramatic. From the talk show to the Academy Awards, you’ve been marveling at this woman and her talent…but you haven’t been laughing.

Well, she’s back on the comedy circuit and it won’t take long for you to remember why she’s famous (for being funny) in the first place. Let me tell you, from the talks about her husband(s) and children, to her talks about weight loss and coping with people’s opinions about it…right on down to pulling people up on the stage, chile, Monique is freaking hilarious!

I Fucks With Fiona Zedde

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Are you reading Fiona Zedde?

Okay, here’s a better question: Have you read 50 Shades of Grey? Well, if you did, then clearly you like erotica with a storyline. Okay, good. Fiona writes erotica with a storyline. And she’s very good at it.

Here’s another question for you: Are you a lesbian? If so, this is a double score! Because guess what? Fiona writes lesbian erotica with a storyline! WINNING!

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The Tampa Gun Show Shocked Me

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I paid $9 to enter into the Tampa Bay Gun Show and there was a $6 parking fee for the Florida State Fairgrounds. After that, you were free to explore, unless you brought your own gun. If so, you had to undergo an inspection to make sure the gun was safe and unloaded. It was all very informal though. A lady just asked if you had a gun and if you said no, you were waved in. I suppose they figured the abundance of weapons at the show would prevent people from feeling froggy. But in light of the Boston Marathon tragedy, I think it’s safe to say one is never truly safe. But moving on…

The Boston Marathon Tragedy

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I don’t have much to say. It’s horrible. A child has been killed. As of right now, 3 are dead and 138 people are injured, of which 17 are critical.

Doctors are said to be pulling ball-bearings out of human beings. Who ever did this shit is sick. I hope we find him/her/them and ruin them.

My heart aches for the people who are directly affected. Prayers to the families. May the dead RIP.

ShaqWorld.com will be silent tonight.

The Best Country Music Album…EVER!

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Are you a country music fan? No? Don’t feel bad. Neither was I. But the album above changed that.

I believe that if you’re open minded, which I am, every music genre is ripe for the picking. All you need to do is to make contact with a person that absolutely loves a certain genre, and as such, will help you wade through the crap to the good stuff.

Enter my boss.

Ella’s Americana Folk Art Cafe – Seminole Heights

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APPETIZER
Fried Green Tomatoes –
The batter was very thick and crunchy. They came with a sauce. I forget what it was. These were okay, but a little bland to me. My date loved them though. We also had an order of the Rasta-Far fries. I won’t put a picture up though, because I reviewed that appetizer on a previous post.

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ENTRÉE
Pork Chop – 16oz Porterhouse Chop, pan seared, & topped with Bacon Apple Jam. Served with Gorgonzola Mashed Potatoes and sautéed Asparagus.

Every Lesbian Needs a Homeboy!

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Check out Chris! I love this dude!

I’m not much of a television watcher. Most of everything I watch is viewed on my iMac when I have downtime. As such, my flatscreen in the living room is collecting dust and the old monstrosity Chris is carrying was in the bedroom, where it was almost always unplugged.

See, my mom come to stay with me, once, for a about a month. She was disgusted I didn’t have a television in the bedroom. I told her she’d be alright. She said okay. Then I came home and I had the above time capsule waiting on me. That’s what I get for talking back to my mom.

Lesbians Dislike of Bisexuals is Ridiculous

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It happens all of the time in the gay community. A woman says she’s bisexual. The lesbian talking to her pauses for a second and her eyes bulge out. Then she says, “Umm….okay.”

The bisexual has now been black listed.

You see, many lesbians dislike bisexual women. Reasons include:

  • A bisexual broke my heart.
  • A bisexual left me for a man.
  • A bisexual is going to leave me for a man.
  • A bisexual cheated on me with a man.
  • A bisexual cheated on me with a man and got pregnant.

‘S Wonderful was Wonderful!

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I always say I don’t like musicals. I’ve never been able to sit through Rent. I happily mutilate the “Five thousand, sixty one hours, six hundred minutes” song (or whatever it is) and then I’m over it. Anytime I watch a movie and people get to singing, I get mad. Even Glee, which I am a huge fan of, took some getting used to. I still space out during some of the songs, even if they’re doing a good job.

Now this isn’t to say I hate them all. EXCELLENT musicals like Dreamgirls, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The Wiz (at least when Michael Jackson sings) will capture me.

My Bike Riding Outfit Makes Me Look Like a Jackass

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Yes, I know, I look a hot damn mess. And no, I don’t care. I will continue to ride my bike in this outfit. It works for me and I’m grown, so I don’t have to explain anything to you!

I do wonder sometimes what people think when they pass by me in their car though. I imagine they laugh, as Mo did when she drove upon me riding and took the picture below.

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That’s okay though, laugh! I’m confident. Bitches.

Burger Culture – Food Truck

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I have the “Double Trouble” burger – Chipotle cream, pickled red onion, cheddar cheese, roasted poblano and cilantro on a Brioche bun.

Burger Culture is the shit. I recommend you try them out! I’ve had a few of their burgers and never regretted it.

What I love most about these guys (other than the fact that their burger is actually a hunk of meat) are the unique topping combinations they use. I mean, who’d think to put cream and pickled red onion on a burger? These guys! I was skeptical when I looked at my burger (face it, it looks disgusting), but then I bit into it. All of those random items blended together into a very tasty burger with a small kick of spice. No regrets here baby, I enjoyed it down to the very last drop!

Why You Should Pay Attention to the News

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Check out these idiots! Joshua and Sharyn Hakken decided to kidnap their children from their legal guardians and run off to Cuba. I guess no one told them that the relationship between Cuba and America isn’t as bad as it once was. Now, I’m not saying we’re buddies or anything…but at least Cuban Americans can visit the country.

But here’s the main reason why these people are DUMB AS HELL:

Matoi Sushi on Dale Mabry

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I have the Spicy Teriyaki Lunch Box – Grilled Chicken with Teriyaki Sauce, Sraicha, Steamed Rice, Steamed Veggies, Tempura Veggie/Shrimp Pieces

I totally recommend Matoi Sushi! They have excellent food! From the lunchboxes and the appetizers, to the sushi and the entrées…I’ve just never gotten a bad thing to eat here.

I really have to give a thumbs up to their lunchbox though. It mostly consists of vegetables, so you really don’t regret finishing it. And there’s no need to fret over the fried portion as you only get a small amount of tempura. I find that I rarely finish the rice on this lunch box, as there are enough veggies to fill me up.

Signs of the Apocalypse

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The problem with having stupid people in high positions is that songs like “Accidental Racist” by LL Cool J and Brad Paisley get released.

I mean, seriously. Nobody heard this and said, “Okay, let’s tweak the lyrics”?!?!

I feel like the only thing that sets this country, it’s people and our educational system further back than crap like this song, is the fact that it was even made…and that people are having to explain why it’s stupid.

A Lesson in Rejection: Why You Should Ask Her Out Anyway

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  • Backstory: In early 2011, I wrote this open letter, or sorts, on Facebook. I shared it with my friends and eventually, one of them that was working with Creative Loafing contacted me and asked if they could use it on their site. It was the first and only time I had something written and published until this blog debuted this year. Looking back, I realize this letter is pretty much the introduction to my current writing style. It’s open, full of lessons, honest and pretty embarrassing, but hey, that’s how I roll. Keep it real! Anyways, once the letter made it to Creative Loafing, it was edited a bit for their site. Below, I’ve pasted in my original letter, the way I wrote it, as well as the Creative Loafing link. While I have grown a great deal in the past few years, this lesson is forever on my heart. I hope it can help yall too!