Does the above meme look familiar? This week, I saw it quite a few times in different variations. It reads, “Just because we didn’t work out, doesn’t mean I stopped rooting for you.”
That is so inspiring. Do you feel like that? I don’t. If someone hurt me or broke my heart, FUCK THEM.
And yes, I’ve said those words before. I was lying. When I said them to a person that hurt me, I lied to their face. I was trying to be the bigger person. Bitches.
Sometimes I dream I’m back in Florida. Nothing really happens. I’m usually just driving over the Gandy Bridge to St. Pete or walking around Ybor or pulling up on Siesta Key or riding my bike in South Tampa. Lately, I’ve started to think those dreams aren’t just about Florida. Maybe they’re my mom’s way of talking to me.
Many years ago, way back when I first met my homeboy Doug, we mentioned becoming Facebook friends. The conversation went something like this:
Doug: “Aight, cool. Send me a request.”
Me: Staring at him like he’d lost his mind. “Nah, you send me a request! I don’t send people friend requests!”
Doug: Staring back at me as if I’d lost my mind first. “I don’t either!”
Me: “Well I guess we aint gone be friends!”
That’s what I liked about Doug. His ego was as big as mine.
My girlfriend and I broke up some time ago, though I’m more inclined to say I was dumped. It happened in true Millennial fashion. We got into an argument. I expressed myself and shared my doubts, suggesting maybe we should break up. From there, she clammed up and stopped taking my calls or answering my texts. Then she deleted me off Snapchat. Today, we no longer speak and I doubt I’ll ever see her again. In her defense, it probably sucks to hear your girlfriend say she maybe wants out. In my defense, I said “maybe,” and expressing a doubt should never end a relationship. A relationship should end because two people converse and decide to end it. Nothing was decided together! She’s just gone! So yes, I was dumped. Pure foolishness.
I’m back to paying Sallie Mae (the loan shark currently known as Navient). After a year of fighting for lower payments, I’ve finally gotten my payment slightly below $200, though I was hoping to get it below $150. However, given that six months after I graduated they wanted almost $700 and all of these years later, the lowest I’d gotten my payment do was about $360, I decided to accept this defeat with a whimper. So yeah, I paid them, then spent my long weekend on the couch. Sallie has taken my summer. BITCH!
I believe there will come a time, for most people, when they’ll realize they’re too old to date anyone under age 26. That moment happened for me earlier this week.
I accidentally crashed an ex’s birthday celebration. We briefly dated a few years back and have remained friends. There’s about a six year age difference between us, but she’s so together and mature, it’s easy to forget. There have been moments when it was glaringly obvious though. This was one of them.
This video is too cute! It features plus-size fashion models GABIFRESH, Nadia Aboulhosn, and Tess Munster. Shout-out to the fat people that love themselves, because Lord knows we’ve got a whole segment of the population that wants us to hate ourselves. I tell ya, fat shaming is not cool!
UPDATE: You should support the documentary below. It’s about plus-size models and looks really awesome!
Today, for the briefest of moments, I actually felt BAD for Woody Allen, because his situation reminds me of my own father.
Before I continue, I have to explain that I AM NO WOODY ALLEN FAN. He brings to mind men like R. Kelly and other incredibly powerful men in the entertainment lexicon who are constantly surrounded by alleged (or in the case of monsters like Roman Polanski, proven) rumors of child sexual abuse, yet continue on with relatively unscathed, successful careers. Clearly, American society tips the scales in favor of talent over predatory behavior towards children, which is heartbreaking. Annie Hall just wasn’t THAT damn good.
“You have small breasts.”
That’s what I said to this woman, the first time she took her shirt off in front of me. She paused, looking wounded. I, on the other hand, just reached for her breasts. For me, it was simply a statement. Something I thought and said out loud. Clearly, I should have kept that statement in my head, but I’ve a bad habit of speaking before I think. And it was obvious that this young lady didn’t care for my opinion. She pulled away from me. “I’ve heard that before and I hate it.” She said, annoyance plain in her voice. “I plan to get breast implants.”
When I first arrive at work in the morning, I always take the stairs from the 2nd floor to the 4th floor. I want to say it’s about 40 stairs. When I get to the top, I always want to fall back down them. It’s the worst moment of the day. I am reminded that I am fat and out of shape. And for about another good minute, I’m incapable of combating the negative thoughts in my head because I’m too busy trying to control my breathing to control my thinking.
When I was laid off from my job in September 2013, I knew I had to move fast. I didn’t have a savings and the Florida job market was terrible. I took what was left of my severance check (after taxes took it’s 33%), purchased a U-Haul, begged my landlord for forgiveness and headed to Atlanta a month later. Just like that, I went from having my own place and independence to living with family members and counting my pennies. And they were, literally, pennies. My severance check was gone almost instantly and Florida unemployment only offered me $275 a week, which was not always so easy to attain. It felt as if, overnight, my whole world fell apart. I was humbled. Broke, begging for money, just barely making my bills…humbled. At that time, I thought to myself, “God, I hear you. It’s time to be better than I was.” I really felt like it couldn’t get any worse. Then my mom died.
I really loved this video. It gave me up hope for young children today. And it especially made me smile, as I had a troubling experience with my goddaughter this weekend. For a moment, I was left questioning if maybe I shouldn’t be in her life.
This past weekend, somehow or another while talking to my 9 year old goddaughter, we ended up on the topic of marriage. She spent a great deal of time informing me that, not only was she going to plan my wedding, but she was also going to be my flower girl, bridesmaid and maid of honor. I imagine she’ll be the only one in the wedding.
After 4 years, 10 months and 16 days, I was laid off from my job. The next day, my former co-workers promptly took me out drinking. As you can see above, it seemed like more of a glorious day than a depressing one. But as I sat at the table gazing out at everyone in a haze of depression, coupled with relief and colored by inebriation, a realization was beginning to form. While I didn’t actually realize it at that time, I was at the very beginning of what I would later come to refer to as my “Layoff Cycle.”