I’ve Lost “The Thrill of the Chase” and Good Riddance!

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It’s amazing how time and experience changes your perspective:

When I was 21 years old…

If a girl didn’t like me, I immediately saw it as a personal challenge to change her mind and show her what she was missing.

I’d be her best friend, pursue her and never miss out on an opportunity to take her out, all because I was waiting on that moment when she finally showed me consideration. I mean, the very thought of “getting her,” or “winning her affections” would get me excited. So much so, that I’d feel a burst of adrenaline. Back then, doing or saying something outrageous to swing the pendulum to my side was “romantic.”

Bicycles Teach You Something New Every Day

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Today’s lesson: Keep bicycle tires inflated.

So basically, my bicycle has been sitting for weeks. The minute that Florida summer heat hit, it just looked less than appealing. Today though, I got it in my head that I was going to ride.

When I got the bike outside, I noticed the front tire was under-inflated. So much so, that when I sat on the bike, the rim was almost on the ground. My bike is made to hold a person of my size, so this was unexpected. I was annoyed, but figured I’d ride my bike anyway.

Are You Really “Ready for Love?”

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© Lara Prozak (Click photo for her website).

Tonight, I found myself sitting with one of my best friends, watching some of our favorite old school R&B videos and talking about our own romantic situations. The “Bad Habits” video by Maxwell affected me in particular. It got me to thinking about some of my own bad habits concerning women and the memorable ones that I’d encountered. Women that had fundamentally altered my heart and how I felt about love:

  • The woman that I couldn’t let go of. Not that she’d ever done much to show that she appreciated or deserved me anyway.

“Lost Weight” – Poem at Oral Fixation

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For those of you that don’t know, I am co-host of Oral Fixation. It’s the only lgbtq open mic in Tampa. I also read at every event. Sometimes it’s a poem, sometimes it’s a rant, all the time, it’s straight from the heart. This past Oral Fixation, a few attendee’s requested the poem outside of the event. As such, I’ve posted it here for you all to see! And in case you’re curious about Oral Fixation, I’ve attached our poster after the poem, designed by yours truly.

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“Lost Weight”

Every Day I’m Reminded That I’m Okay

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I mean, I could be this guy. Mark O’Brien. A poet, paralyzed from the neck down due to polio, who hired a sex surrogate to lose his virginity. Then he wrote an essay about it. And that essay became this movie, “The Sessions.”

Helen Hunt gives one hell of a performance. She’s simultaneously vulnerable, frustrated and BELIEVABLE. I think she could also be considered a little bit brave for tackling this role. You also won’t be disappointed by John Hawkes and William H. Macy (always dependable). So if you want a good movie that will make you think and feel grateful, while crying a little, go ahead and watch this movie.

Shit or Fertilizer

Self Love

I’m often somewhere, grinning or laughing like an idiot, when this question is posed to me: “Hey Shaq! Why are you always in such a good mood?”

My response: “Shit or Fertilizer! That’s my life’s motto!”

So what does that mean, exactly?

Well, everybody passes excrement. You can’t help it. Waste has to be discharged from the body. It’s gross, but necessary. And so, since you can’t avoid this action, perhaps it makes more sense to learn to live with this action.

Gay Community Peeve

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Nothing irks me more than overly possessive people in relationships. When I’m out and see people that I know, particular femmes, I like to wave hello and/or speak. I mean, hey, I’m friendly. And it usually goes something like this:

I say “hi,” the woman acknowledges me, and suddenly her girlfriend, the stud, pops up and gives me the death stare. You know, the stare where they look at you so intensely you think you’re going to explode, while staring at you with a fake smile that says “I want to stab you?” Yeah, that uncomfortable stare.

Lesbians Dislike of Bisexuals is Ridiculous

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It happens all of the time in the gay community. A woman says she’s bisexual. The lesbian talking to her pauses for a second and her eyes bulge out. Then she says, “Umm….okay.”

The bisexual has now been black listed.

You see, many lesbians dislike bisexual women. Reasons include:

  • A bisexual broke my heart.
  • A bisexual left me for a man.
  • A bisexual is going to leave me for a man.
  • A bisexual cheated on me with a man.
  • A bisexual cheated on me with a man and got pregnant.

A Lesson in Rejection: Why You Should Ask Her Out Anyway

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  • Backstory: In early 2011, I wrote this open letter, or sorts, on Facebook. I shared it with my friends and eventually, one of them that was working with Creative Loafing contacted me and asked if they could use it on their site. It was the first and only time I had something written and published until this blog debuted this year. Looking back, I realize this letter is pretty much the introduction to my current writing style. It’s open, full of lessons, honest and pretty embarrassing, but hey, that’s how I roll. Keep it real! Anyways, once the letter made it to Creative Loafing, it was edited a bit for their site. Below, I’ve pasted in my original letter, the way I wrote it, as well as the Creative Loafing link. While I have grown a great deal in the past few years, this lesson is forever on my heart. I hope it can help yall too!

Why Sleep MUST Be a Priority

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Disclaimer: The above picture is a crappy cellphone picture that was taken of me at a party last year. It’s unrelated to this post…I just think it’s hilarious! And yes, I said party. Clearly, I was the first to go down. Don’t come on here judging me!

Lately, I haven’t been getting much little sleep. This has always been the case for me. I’ve been an insomniac since I was a small child. Some of my fondest memories involve me exploring the house, as a little kid, while everyone around me snored.

When the Past Returns to Haunt You

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It does not happen often, but there are times when I am paralyzed by past memories.

This almost always happens at a time when I’m relaxing. Like when I’m in the shower, or taking a walk or lounging in my favorite chair. Suddenly, my mind will drift and I’m standing in front of a memory, watching it, as if it’s a movie. A very unfortunate movie that happened to me.

When this happens, I can think of nothing else. If I’m in the shower, I’ll literally freeze, staring off into another time, completely oblivious of the water falling upon me and my surroundings. For a few minutes, the only thing that I’ll see is a past Shaquea. An old me. An old life.

Sometimes it Bodes Well to Remember Your Own Advice

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When it comes to restaurants and entertainment venues, I’ve pretty much sworn off Groupon, Living Social and all of those other deal sites. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the deal. Shaquea loves a deal. It’s just that, I want to purchase the deals and use them at my leisure. Instead, I’m always scrambling to use them before they expire. I just had one expire on me the other day! That shit is for the birds.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Birthday to Me!

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Yes, my birthday is on St. Patrick’s Day. No, the picture above isn’t from today. It’s an older birthday picture, but pretty much expresses my “whatever” mentality about my birthday.

See, it actually stresses me out a bit. Here’s the thing: I wake up on my birthday and I feel this incredible need to do something. Like, it’s a holiday AND my birthday. I feel like I’m wrong if I’m not ready to live it up and run around to bars screaming, “Today is my birthday!” so that I can get free drinks.

When Race Takes a Backseat to Growth

Yesterday I was driving down my street, with the windows down, blasting “The Fighter” by Gym Class Heroes. (It was the hip hop mix, because the original is all pop and lame.) Anyways, I came upon a group of little white boys walking in the street and one of them promptly started doing the Dougie dance. As I pulled up to my apartment and parked, the little boy and his friends passed by and he screamed out, “Hey, can you Dougie?!” I screamed back, “No, but you can!”

The Best Early Birthday Celebration, EVER!

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 I’ll never be able to thank Julie enough! She made age 29 start out with a bang!

I don’t even know where to begin. Was it the delicious food at Ella’s Americana Folk Art Cafe that made the day so special? I’m talking appetizers, entree and dessert! Or maybe it was the copious amounts of wine. I’m talking bottles. Or maybe it was when the Jazz band played “Happy Birthday” for me and we danced. Scratch that…It was the gifts! A bag full of wonderful presents that showcased where I am and how I’m thinking at this point in my life. I damn near cried at the table. (Unfortunately, I was so excited to get into the bag, I forgot to get a picture.)

Ever Had a Friend that Couldn’t Be, or Do, Anything Alone?

I have a few of them and I think it’s tragic. Don’t get me wrong: Nothing beats good company. It’s just too bad that some people haven’t figured out that their own presence is good company.

I have really come to value alone time in the past few years. Sometimes you just need to be alone in your own thoughts. No offense to the women I’ve dated, but food tastes better when you can eat it without having to be neat or keep the conversation interesting.

My First 20 Minute Bike Ride

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Feb. 23, 2013. Sweet baby Jesus. That was the longest 20 minutes of my life!

My Thoughts:

  • I’m sweating like a 500 pound man, on Mars, in a velour suit and a helmet. Dayum! The plan was to come in after the bike ride and make a breakfast smoothie. Now I’m sitting down and don’t want to get up and make the smoothie. Tragic.
  • I’m so grateful for all of the gears, brake settings, shock and bump control settings. I was able to adjust the bike to fit the streets and it helped so much. With any other bike, I’d have been done in 10 minutes. South Tampa is NOT level.

I love Valentine’s Day!

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I mean, how could you not?

  1. A bunch of romance movies come out in theaters. (I love those!)
  2. Earrings go on sale. (Get em while they’re cheap!)
  3. Stores are decorated festively. (Makes you feel happy while shopping!)
  4. Wine goes on sale. (Enough said.)
  5. Restaurants offer specials on food. (That’s just economical.)
  6. My Facebook newsfeed gets littered with pictures of everyone’s gifts. (I’m not a hater, so I actually like to see those. Gives me hope for my own future romances.)

And the BEST PART: On Valentine’s Day, when I’m single like this year, everything that I do or purchase is for MEEE!!!

Life Could Always Be Worse

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Today I received my first paycheck of 2013. It reflects my company’s merger, which includes a different health insurance plan and a new 401k company, PLUS the new tax changes.

Suffice to say, I was nervous checking my account this morning. After perusing my statement, I blew out a sigh of relief. I was only missing $90! I’d expected much more.

Then I did the math.

You see, $90 a paycheck translates to $2,340 a year. That’s $2,340 less than last year, simply because this year is this year!

Thanksgiving 2012 – Remembering to Be Grateful

Today, my cousin called me from Jail. He’s waiting before being transferred to prison. For $9.99, I got a 5 minute call. Towards the end, we couldn’t say “I love you” fast enough.

One of the things that stood out to me about that call, was how much the little things mattered. He couldn’t wait to get to prison, because there, he could email me. This way, I’d get his letters faster than in the mail. He was so excited about it. So thankful we’d have that opportunity. It was then, that I knew what I was grateful for.