I’m standing on the field! Pretty cool, hunh? Let me tell ya, this is the closest I will ever come to being a football player. It’s also the closest I’ll ever get to the stadium, as I refuse to pay money to see the Bucs live. They lose too much and it’s too damn hot in Florida! I’m freaking sweltering. It looks like I’m about to burst into flames! Fat people should never feel this hot. Like, ever.