A Special Shout Out to University Mall!


I know a lot of people hate on you and call you ghetto, but you can’t let that get to you, because you are special and unique. Where else could you…

…find my favorite Dolce & Gabbana cologne that’s been discontinued and couldn’t be found at either Westshore, International, Citrus Park or Brandon Malls, which are supposed to be the “nice” malls by the way. Plus, I bargained with the dude and didn’t have to pay taxes on it. Is that even legal?! Mmmhmm.

…find a fat white girl walking around in daisy duke shorts, snowboots and a bear hat. She looked like an albino grizzly. Mmmhmm.

…find a delicious chinese plate with about 4 meats for under $10. Mmmhmm.

…find a sign that says, “Dress like Steve Harvey” picturing him wearing one of those big ol’ Alligator looking suits he likes. Mmmhmm.

…find a dude with dreads, that looks worse than buckwheat, walking through the mall holding the hand of a woman who’s clearly too in love to notice his head looks like a burned walking stick convention. Mmmhmm.

…find four different shoes stores and 2 different hat stores, all selling the same merchandise, in the same mall. You can truly comparison shop! Mmmhmm.

…find a parking deck that smells like urine and has the audacity to have a soda machine. Maybe someone has peed in the machine. *shudders* No ‘Mmmhmm” for that one.

I’m just saying University Mall. You’re special. Don’t you let anyone tell you different! And yes, I will continue to hit you up once or twice a year. It ain’t everyday you can find a Burlington Coat Factory in the mall. I like Burlington. I’m not balling.