I’m like the potato chip monster! I just destroyed my bag of Lays potato chips. It’s true. You can’t eat just one. I’m telling yall, whatever they have in these bad boys, they need to put it on stuff and help make the world better. For instance:
Lets sprinkle this stuff on people at work.
Then all the scrubs would want a job.
Let’s sprinkle it on companies that offer benefits, paid leave and reasonable wages.
Maybe then people would stop stealing office supplies.
Let’s sprinkle it on deodorant.
Then we wouldn’t have those funky people in the club.
Let’s sprinkle it on Drake and then have him throw it on everybody he makes a song with.
Then rappers would talk about their feelings instead of sounding like emotional retards.
Let’s sprinkle it on good women.
Then we can get rid of triflin women. Ya’ll know who you are! Bitches!
Let’s sprinkle it on good men.
Then we can get rid of triflin men. Ya’ll know who you are! Bitches!
Let’s sprinkle it on condoms.
Then we’d have less baby mommas and HIV cases.
Let’s sprinkle it on people that offer you more than $5 in gas money.
Aint nothing I can do with $5 dawg!
Let’s sprinkle it on a posters that says “Mullets are bad.”
Then white people would stop getting them.
Let’s sprinkle it on people with nice, clean dreads. Then men would stop dreading their hair up in them crazy styles that stick up in the air and make them look homeless.
Let’s sprinkle it on expensive lace fronts.
Then people who can’t afford them would stop buying the cheap ones. (Just go natural. It’s cheaper.)
Let’s sprinkle it on fat girls in fat people clothes. Then my peoples would stop wearing tight ass clothes that embarrass all fat people and go to Lane Bryant and stores like that. We look nice in clothes that fit.
Let’s sprinkle it on people that walk their dogs on leashes.
Then people would stop walking Lil Baby Kujo without one. (You know who you are. *cough* White people!)
Let’s sprinkle it on Total Wine & More.
It’s the greatest store on earth! We need one of those on every corner! Them Habibi stores charge too much for beer.
Let’s sprinkle it on bigger airline seats.
When the skinny guy next to me is uncomfortable, I already know I’m about to be miserable. That aint right!
Let’s sprinkle it on little cars.
Then people wouldn’t need as much gas and I wouldn’t be paying $4 a gallon. (Okay, that’s wishful thinking, but hey, these are my thoughts so I can be in denial!)
And finally…let’s sprinkle it on ME. Then I’d have all the wimmens in the world! (Hellooooo…call me! *wink wink*)