If the deal goes through without incident, Marissa Mayer will lose her job as CEO of Yahoo!, but receive a 23 million dollar severance package. In July, she’ll have been with the company five years.
In comparison, I was laid off from my job after 4 years and 10 months. I can’t recall the number now, but after taxes paid me a visit without lube, my severance check amounted to a little over $3,000. Most of my friends considered me to be lucky.
And this, folks, is why you can’t go around comparing your life to other people. If I were the type to covet somebody else’s shit, I’d have read about Marissa Mayer and hated myself. Instead, I have healthy perspective because I realize her journey is not mine and there is nothing anybody else is doing that diminishes what I’ve done for myself. I have pimped the hell out of the cards I’ve been dealt.
With that being said though, Marissa Mayer is the real MVP. Yahoo! underperformed the entire time she was CEO. She spent over a billion dollars on acquisitions that did not turn a profit for the company. Shareholders don’t like her. The board was ready to oust her. Top executives had to be paid handsomely to stay. Her approval rating is barely 60%, meanwhile, CEOs at competing companies like Google and Apple have approval ratings in the 90s. Under her reign, the company will go from being independent to gobbled up for parts. Yet and still, Marissa will leave Yahoo! having made over $150 million dollars.
That’s right. She sucked at her job and made $150 million dollars. Meanwhile, somebody reading this has been fired for not sounding nice on the phone or making sandwiches fast enough. Some of you were let go and didn’t even get to clear out your desk or say goodbye to coworkers.
But on a brighter note, after a “weekend of work,” Marissa validated the existence of educated graphic designers everywhere by helping her team redesign their logo. The rather uninspired bit of text looks exactly like something that only took two days. Thanks girl. Appreciate cha!
And in her defense, Yahoo! was already in the toilet. Every CEO before her failed … but she knew that when she signed up for the job and made big promises, so I guess we can’t use that in her defense. Nevermind.
If only we all could under-perform so splendidly at work and yet, be so magnificently paid. Let’s put some RESPEK on Marissa Mayer’s name. One step back for Yahoo!, two steps forward for gender parity!
It’s so bad, but she’s kind of one of my SHEros. You just can’t knock the hustle.