It happens all of the time in the gay community. A woman says she’s bisexual. The lesbian talking to her pauses for a second and her eyes bulge out. Then she says, “Umm….okay.”
The bisexual has now been black listed.
You see, many lesbians dislike bisexual women. Reasons include:
- A bisexual broke my heart.
- A bisexual left me for a man.
- A bisexual is going to leave me for a man.
- A bisexual cheated on me with a man.
- A bisexual cheated on me with a man and got pregnant.
- A bisexual is a hoe that’s going to sleep with me and men at the same time.
- A bisexual doesn’t really know what she wants.
- A bisexual is nasty.
- A bisexual…Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Now, I will allow for a moment of hurt feelings if a bisexual woman leaves you for a guy. I mean, we’re only human and anytime someone leaves you, especially for an opposite, it burns. However, after you have your moment, you need to forgive, let it go and move on!
Here’s the thing: While any of the bullets above can be true, it won’t be because the woman is bisexual. It will be because the woman is a human being…and human beings make mistakes. Human beings sometimes hurt other human beings. The fact that she’s bisexual will just be a fluke. Another lesbian could commit any number of offenses against you as well. So if you don’t prefer to date bisexuals, fine, but please understand the difference between preference and hatred.
Speaking of this hatred, what exactly causes it? Well, I think we have 4 main causes:
Some of us are scared as hell we’re going to be cheated on…because we’d cheat on our damnselves! When you don’t love yourself, it makes sense that you won’t expect someone else to. A bisexual quickly becomes a greater target, because hey, she might cheat on you with a man OR woman. That’s double the amount of cheating you have to worry about. I mean, it could happen! (Yes, paranoia is a sign of insecurity.)
Being gay might be trendy and in the news now, but let’s face it. Being gay can really suck. You run the risk of your family disowning you. Gay people still don’t have equal rights. Gay people are the minority. And on top of that, the backbone of our society, religion, typically denounces gays. The worst part: You really can’t change it. All that you can do is not live the lifestyle. Meaning, you will always be gay, but if you so choose, you can deny who you really are and live a double life.Now who in their right mind would CHOOSE this life? Nobody. And so, in a situation like this, it’s easy for a person to be gay and hate it. Which makes for an incredibly unfortunate pickle when a person with this struggle falls in love with a bisexual, which just so happens to be a person that has the option of finding true happiness either way. You hate yourself for being gay. You hate her cause she’s half gay AND because she has the option living a “straight” life. Basically, you’re a damn hater.
Ahh…jealousy. We’ve all dated someone like this. This person HATES when anyone talks to you, or when you talk to anyone else. They want to know where you are. They think everybody wants you. They are jealous of everybody you’ve ever dated or had sex with.So what happens when this person dates a bisexual? They are jealous of all the men and women you come into contact with. There is never any relief for them, because they picture you with EVERYBODY. Crazy fuckers!
Ever notice how much discrimination is in the world? Fat people hate on skinny people. White people hate on black people. Nerds hate on jocks. Mean girls hate on nice girls. Poor kids hate on rich kids….and vice versa. Basically, everybody is hating on everybody.So why then, would we expect the dynamic to change within gay communities? We are merely mirroring the outside world will all of the hating in our community. You know the rules: Studs can’t date studs. Femmes can’t date femmes. Blacks can’t date whites. Studs can’t dress feminine. Femmes can’t date masculine. Lesbians don’t show love to transgender. Lesbians don’t like gay men…blah, blah, blah.
See the problem here? Of course many of us are going to give a hard time to bisexuals. That’s what people do! But what happens when that person is someone you care about? Enter Keisha.
(No, this is not Keisha, but her family kinda looks like this.)
Keisha is my homeskillet. Keisha is a lady lover…and gorgeous, so she’s loved on many more ladies than me. (Bitch. I’m hatin.) Keisha is also a bisexual. However, Keisha is one of those bisexuals mistaken for lesbian. And that make sense, because Keisha’s PREFERENCE is women…it’s just every now and then that a man interests her. It was pretty much expected that Keisha would end up with a woman, even by Keisha herself.
Andre was handsome, older, a nice guy and ready for the home, family and babies that Keisha wanted. The life that, as she neared age 30, seemed to allude her with every woman she met. We could go on and on about the reasons for that, but given the “U-Haul” mentality of most lesbians, I feel safe saying that she was just getting unlucky. Anyways, Andre and Keisha get along. Time takes it’s natural course. Today, it’s been 3 years and they are now married and have a young son and daughter. Keisha got her American dream. Just not with a woman.
EXIT over half of Keisha’s gay friends, including the woman that had been her BEST FRIEND since she was a teenager.
What happened here?! Well, Keisha was no longer “gay”, but a bisexual, and lesbians don’t like bisexuals so now she’s no longer friend material. But dammit, Keisha is still Keisha. She’s still cool. She’s still fun. And actually, she’s probably a better friend now, because she’s HAPPY and SETTLED and HAS THE LIFE SHE WISHED FOR. She also has a big ass house with plenty of room for her friends to visit and a husband that accepts her bisexuality, as well as the fact that she has friends from the LGBTQ community.
So again, what is the problem? Well, to top bullets seem like the best bet. And how fuckin sad is that? What I know is that, Keisha has been devastated by this rejection, especially because these people were supposed to love her. They were supposed to care about her happiness.
Now stop and imagine that: Being rejected by people who say they love you, SIMPLY for being happy. This is the very issue so many gay people face everyday for simply being themselves. And damn if we’re not doing it to others within the LGBTQ universe. Sad.
If we’re going to ask this world to change and embrace us…we must learn to embrace ourselves. Otherwise, how are we any better than the people whom we angrily ask to give us equal rights?!
- PS: FUCK EVERYBODY THAT DOESN’T RIDE WITH KEISHA ANYMORE!!! That’s my dawg. I don’t care who she sleeps with, she’s always gonna be my dawg. And I’m grateful that I’m always her dawg, no matter whom I sleep with. That’s the true meaning of equality, bitches!!!