Lesbians Dislike of Bisexuals is Ridiculous

Bisexuals

It happens all of the time in the gay community. A woman says she’s bisexual. The lesbian talking to her pauses for a second and her eyes bulge out. Then she says, “Umm….okay.”

The bisexual has now been black listed.

You see, many lesbians dislike bisexual women. Reasons include:

  • A bisexual broke my heart.
  • A bisexual left me for a man.
  • A bisexual is going to leave me for a man.
  • A bisexual cheated on me with a man.
  • A bisexual cheated on me with a man and got pregnant.
  • A bisexual is a hoe that’s going to sleep with me and men at the same time.
  • A bisexual doesn’t really know what she wants.
  • A bisexual is nasty.
  • A bisexual…Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Now, I will allow for a moment of hurt feelings if a bisexual woman leaves you for a guy. I mean, we’re only human and anytime someone leaves you, especially for an opposite, it burns. However, after you have your moment, you need to forgive, let it go and move on!

Here’s the thing: While any of the bullets above can be true, it won’t be because the woman is bisexual. It will be because the woman is a human being…and human beings make mistakes. Human beings sometimes hurt other human beings. The fact that she’s bisexual will just be a fluke. Another lesbian could commit any number of offenses against you as well. So if you don’t prefer to date bisexuals, fine, but please understand the difference between preference and hatred.

Speaking of this hatred, what exactly causes it? Well, I think we have 4 main causes:

  • INSECURITY
    Some of us are scared as hell we’re going to be cheated on…because we’d cheat on our damnselves! When you don’t love yourself, it makes sense that you won’t expect someone else to. A bisexual quickly becomes a greater target, because hey, she might cheat on you with a man OR woman. That’s double the amount of cheating you have to worry about. I mean, it could happen! (Yes, paranoia is a sign of insecurity.)
  • SELF-HATRED
    Being gay might be trendy and in the news now, but let’s face it. Being gay can really suck. You run the risk of your family disowning you. Gay people still don’t have equal rights. Gay people are the minority. And on top of that, the backbone of our society, religion, typically denounces gays. The worst part: You really can’t change it. All that you can do is not live the lifestyle. Meaning, you will always be gay, but if you so choose, you can deny who you really are and live a double life.Now who in their right mind would CHOOSE this life? Nobody. And so, in a situation like this, it’s easy for a person to be gay and hate it. Which makes for an incredibly unfortunate pickle when a person with this struggle falls in love with a bisexual, which just so happens to be a person that has the option of finding true happiness either way. You hate yourself for being gay. You hate her cause she’s half gay AND because she has the option living a “straight” life. Basically, you’re a damn hater.
  • JEALOUSY
    Ahh…jealousy. We’ve all dated someone like this. This person HATES when anyone talks to you, or when you talk to anyone else. They want to know where you are. They think everybody wants you. They are jealous of everybody you’ve ever dated or had sex with.So what happens when this person dates a bisexual? They are jealous of all the men and women you come into contact with. There is never any relief for them, because they picture you with EVERYBODY. Crazy fuckers!
  • HUMANITY
    Ever notice how much discrimination is in the world? Fat people hate on skinny people. White people hate on black people. Nerds hate on jocks. Mean girls hate on nice girls. Poor kids hate on rich kids….and vice versa. Basically, everybody is hating on everybody.So why then, would we expect the dynamic to change within gay communities? We are merely mirroring the outside world will all of the hating in our community. You know the rules: Studs can’t date studs. Femmes can’t date femmes. Blacks can’t date whites. Studs can’t dress feminine. Femmes can’t date masculine. Lesbians don’t show love to transgender. Lesbians don’t like gay men…blah, blah, blah.

See the problem here? Of course many of us are going to give a hard time to bisexuals. That’s what people do! But what happens when that person is someone you care about? Enter Keisha.

BlackFamily89791970

(No, this is not Keisha, but her family kinda looks like this.)

Keisha is my homeskillet. Keisha is a lady lover…and gorgeous, so she’s loved on many more ladies than me. (Bitch. I’m hatin.) Keisha is also a bisexual. However, Keisha is one of those bisexuals mistaken for lesbian. And that make sense, because Keisha’s PREFERENCE is women…it’s just every now and then that a man interests her. It was pretty much expected that Keisha would end up with a woman, even by Keisha herself.

Enter Andre.

Andre was handsome, older, a nice guy and ready for the home, family and babies that Keisha wanted. The life that, as she neared age 30, seemed to allude her with every woman she met. We could go on and on about the reasons for that, but given the “U-Haul” mentality of most lesbians, I feel safe saying that she was just getting unlucky. Anyways, Andre and Keisha get along. Time takes it’s natural course. Today, it’s been 3 years and they are now married and have a young son and daughter. Keisha got her American dream. Just not with a woman.

EXIT over half of Keisha’s gay friends, including the woman that had been her BEST FRIEND since she was a teenager.

What happened here?! Well, Keisha was no longer “gay”, but a bisexual, and lesbians don’t like bisexuals so now she’s no longer friend material. But dammit, Keisha is still Keisha. She’s still cool. She’s still fun. And actually, she’s probably a better friend now, because she’s HAPPY and SETTLED and HAS THE LIFE SHE WISHED FOR. She also has a big ass house with plenty of room for her friends to visit and a husband that accepts her bisexuality, as well as the fact that she has friends from the LGBTQ community.

So again, what is the problem? Well, to top bullets seem like the best bet. And how fuckin sad is that? What I know is that, Keisha has been devastated by this rejection, especially because these people were supposed to love her. They were supposed to care about her happiness.

Now stop and imagine that: Being rejected by people who say they love you, SIMPLY for being happy. This is the very issue so many gay people face everyday for simply being themselves. And damn if we’re not doing it to others within the LGBTQ universe. Sad.

If we’re going to ask this world to change and embrace us…we must learn to embrace ourselves. Otherwise, how are we any better than the people whom we angrily ask to give us equal rights?!

  • PS: FUCK EVERYBODY THAT DOESN’T RIDE WITH KEISHA ANYMORE!!! That’s my dawg. I don’t care who she sleeps with, she’s always gonna be my dawg. And I’m grateful that I’m always her dawg, no matter whom I sleep with. That’s the true meaning of equality, bitches!!!

27 thoughts on “Lesbians Dislike of Bisexuals is Ridiculous

  1. This is a huge fear of mine. In spite of the fact that I don’t want any parts of it at this point in my life, I expect I will have a phase in which I’ll want it more than nothing else. My biggest fear is that the gender of the person I fall for will result in the loss of certain people in my life. If I love a woman, I could lose family and long time friends from childhood. If I love a man, I could lose my LGBTQ fam. If I love a trans___, I could lose everyone. It sucks. I makes me angry. It makes me sad. It hurts. I wish more people got it, but they simply don’t.

    • I don’t think there’s any real fix. You just have to live the life YOU want to live. Period. And the people who will ride for you, no matter what, will do just that. It may end up more lonely than you anticipated, but honestly, 3 good friends are better than 20 uncommitted ones.

      Life just aint far sometimes, but we already know that. So hey, LIVE FOR YOU! That’s my plan.

  2. I am a bisexual and very proud of who i am. Now i read the statistic and none of them are really right because if you are a fem stud or my favorite stems anyone can cheat u just gotta find that faithful one you should never on an on any lesbian whet like girls a like girls and boys or whether if they just like girls. I am a very faithful bisexual I’m with tha I’m with that girl if I’ then I’m with that g that goes for any that goes for any sex. If you would someone wear this the opposite sex with the same sex you should be faithful and if you feel that you won’t be faithful can you need to be by yourself by yourself and live with yourself . are really are really just not meant to be in a committed relationship until they are fully grown physically mentally spiritually. I really didn’t know that there was statist that just blew my mind for well I guess you learn something everyday

    • You’re like a lot of bisexuals. True to the one you’re with. Unfortunately, a few make it bad for all. And then we all have our hidden prejudices. I think it’s up to ALL of us to stick up for one another and not allow discriminatory attitudes to creep into our interactions. It’s hard to demand rights from others when we don’t have them within our own communities.

      But hey, everyday someone says, “hey, I support you” is a day that’s better than the last. One things for sure, there won’t be any intolerance on ShaqWorld.com!

  3. First things first, I agree with a lot of what you say don’t get me wrong but I’m not feeling this post. As a lesbian women I can say most of Keisha’s friends probably don’t fuck with her anymore because people like to be friends with people like themselves. As a gay person I feel like our lives and experiences are not portrayed in the media (and when they are they’re idealized) so what’s wrong with wanting to surround yourself with other lesbians who are going to go through things you might and you can relate to about things.
    It’s just like any other stereotype, they suck and you should try to look past them but they’re there.
    Build a bridge.

    • Let me first say: THANK YOU FOR COMMENTING!!! I appreciate you! Now, to my response:

      Most of Keisha’s friends dropped her because they’re assholes. Her best friend NEVER called her again after she told her about Andre. This was her best friend. Her ride or die. The person who told her, “Bitch, I got you. I’m with you til the end.” And then Keisha accidentally gets happy with a man and now her ride or die aint answering the phone?!?! NOBODY NEEDS A FRIEND LIKE THAT.

      I agree. People like to be, AND SHOULD BE, friends with people like them. However, if the only thing you lack in common is that one of you will sleep with men, that’s just crazy. Friendship shouldn’t be dependent who who you have sex with. That’s your private business. I don’t say this to mean that Lesbians shouldn’t seek out other lesbians. I say it to mean that, you shouldn’t have to be a lesbian in order to be apart of my life. That’s discriminatory. Too much like saying, “I don’t like black people” or “I don’t like gay people” and Shaq Diesel does not believe in that!

      You’re right, we’re not portrayed often enough in the media. Especially black gays. But that’s no reason to “punish” anyone that isn’t gay. Or anyone that is bisexual and therefore “not gay enough.” I am proud of who I am, regardless of representation. And I want my pride to follow me, not my anger. A lot of people feel left out of the national discussion. Talk to some Native Americans. Now those people feel ignored! Unless they’re opening a damn casino.

      I don’t hate stereotypes. They’re often based on true things. You are not always wrong when you say “Black people never be on time” cause a lot of us struggle with punctuality! Haha! Myself included! But you ARE wrong if you say that shit and actually believe there’s no black people that can ever be on time. The problem with stereoptypes isn’t that they exist, it’s that people rely on them and give them the ultimate say so in life. Know when to hold em, know when to fold em.

      Yes, we have to build a bridge. That means we have to be accepting of others. PLEASE UNDERSTAND: I am not telling you that you have to love or befriend bisexuals. I’m just saying you need to be aware of discriminatory actions toward them. And if one of your friends drops the bomb on you that she loves a man…you need to still love her. Otherwise, you don’t really know what love is.

      • Ok wow….. no one knw how hards gays have it….. i say im bi its because i have had sex with men i have had a beautiful son…. and wouldnt trade him for the world but i also love women i cant help it… so what you saying that people need to befriend ppl who are the same that crazy in so ma… blacks have fought for so much for us to say gays should stay with gays and so further…keshia found the love of her life and she shouldnt be drop by no one ppl should of been happy and real ppl gay or straight should of been real and been happy for her thats crazy cause i have gay friend drag queen friends straight friends and none of them look at me no different weather who im with im just saying

  4. Thank yu for bringing attention to this. Its complete bullshit. The gay community wants acceptance yet we dont accept each other. Sexuality is fluid and should not be a deciding factor in friendships. Keishas friends are prob miserable with themselves. Its sad really.

    • I wish I could bring MORE attention to it. We have no idea how much we hurt ourselves with this type of negativity and hatred. And I have no comment on Keisha’s “friends” cause they clearly were never her friends. People kill me loving folks with an agenda.

      • You are awesome! Thank you so much. I hope one day more people think like you. I am so tired of discrimination, it really shocks me how discriminatory lesbians are towards someone who has a minority sexual preference just like them.
        And yes i have heard all the “greedy”, “just confused”, “you need to pick one or the other”, “you are just a fake gay” and the list goes on.
        Bisexuals don’t fit in societies little limitation box and they cop it, but worst of all from the people they have fought along side with for equality. So sad.

  5. I can dislike anyone for any reason. Being a Lesbian doesn’t come with an obligation to “embrace” all aspects of non-traditional relationships anymore than being Black or a woman compels a person to be sensitive to race or gender issues. Should I decide in the next hour to dislike bi-sexual women it doesn’t have to be based in experience, principle will suffice.

    There are going to be people who don’t like you for being a Black woman, including other Black women. That’s something you’ll have to square since its their right to dislike you. Either way policing a very personal aspect of the individual, like social preferences, is quite intrusive.

    And trying to shame or deny the right to personal social preferences to ensure the comfort of you/your friends just screams entitlement.

    • I get why people dislike pedophiles. Even KKK members, but unless you’re dealing with something as extreme as that, dislike of a person for being and/or identifying with something you don’t agree with, seems like an extreme waste of mental space to me.

      And you are right, there is no obligation to embrace anything because you possibly identify with it. There is no reason for poor people to care about other poor people. Or for picked on people to care about other picked on people. As a matter of fact, we can all just walk around not giving a damn about anybody. That’s our right. But to me, that is a terrible way to live. Compassion and empathy need a place in our world, ESPECIALLY if you can identify with a persons struggle. I think this makes us better as a people. If nobody ever held a door for anybody else, that wouldn’t say much about us at all, in my opinion. So hey, I’m going to hold a door. If you don’t want to, do you.

      Now, I do understand how you could dislike an individual for how they act, but to do so simply because they’re bisexual just seems discriminatory and unnecessarily hateful. I don’t dislike bisexuals. I dislike people who do terrible things.

      And I have no interest in denying anyone anything. If you want to hate bisexuals, feel free. It’s a free country. We have a right to our feelings. I just don’t intend to condone it on my blog.

      The only way to ensure comfort is to make a habit of engaging with individuals who agree with, or at the least, respect your individual rights and thoughts. And when did making anyone feel bad about themselves ever provide a comfortable atmosphere for anybody?! I think if someone is taking this personal and/or feeling ashamed, perhaps they ought to question that, within.

      And I happen to feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion. This one is mine. And you’re welcome to yours. Thanks for posting!

    • And that’s definitely your right. I hope you’ll consider letting some of that hatred go though. You can choose not to date them without despising them. And while we often don’t meet the best ones, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

      Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences with them…but I’ve had those same experiences with every other “group” on earth as well, so who’s to say it’s about being bisexual? Sometimes people just fucking suck.

  6. Shaq, gotta say I love this post and who you are in the world.

    It is sad when people use the same “rationale” that was used to to discriminate against them to discriminate against other people.

    I think you are right about the insecurities piece. I have been living in Dayton, OH for 5 years and I cannot tell you how many times I have heard lesbians (for sake of an umbrella term) talk about women cheating on them. Not limited to bisexuals mind you, but women mostly meaning lesbians cheating on them. It is a common refrain.

    So the idea that a bisexual would cheat being a valid rationale to not date her is absurd at best. I am 50 and I can say with 98% certainty I have not been cheated on by a woman, but then again I don’t have a U-haul card and am one of those pesky types that will rarely date a woman that is a total stranger (will wait to see her in social situations over time) and when I do date, it is gasp… dating, not a monogamous committed relationship after, oh, I don’t know, like 3 to 5 dates maybe???? not one to commit to someone who is basically a stranger, no matter how hot the sex is or seems like it might be…. maybe I have an extra sense of who people are, but lesbians are real freaking insecure, at least in these parts and what could be worse than yet another uhaul lover cheating on you, but her cheating with a dude with a real penis instead of a strap on…. funny how strap ons are fair game, but the real thing, either with a man or gasp trans is absolutely forbidden….

    Keisha is a lucky woman to have you as her best bud and also lucky that the “pseudo friends” are gone… she can do better.

    Thanks for your thoughts and for choosing to push love into the world instead of pandering to hate and intolerance and behaviors that give legitimacy to discriminatory acts.

    Gays and lesbians are really good at discriminating against bis and trans… unbelievable, that most of us (I am 50) fought our lives to be equal, and yet many are pushing others down.

    Love to you!

    • Thank you for the kind words!

      Honestly, I hate that they even need to be said though. I’ve experienced discrimination. I don’t like it. And I really don’t like it when it’s something I can’t help. For me, this line of thinking isn’t enlightened or evolved, it’s just the right thing. You may not care to date a bisexual, but that doesn’t give you the right to belittle them either. Simply date someone else.

      Here’s hoping people will find this post and THINK about how they’re treating people.

  7. Great post! I’m a bisexual woman who is engaged to a lesbian woman. We are monogamous and it works for us. Thankfully, she is very accepting of me but in the past, I’ve encountered lesbians who hurled “bisexual” at me as an insult. It’s mind-blowing to me that there is still so much discrimination and hatred within the LGBT community!

    • Well, just when I get disgusted and want to say, “How can we, as lesbians, mistreat others in the lgbtq community?” I catch myself. We have to remember, before we are “gay” or “straight” we are human beings. And human beings discriminate and put people in boxes and get mad and blame an entire people for something one person did to them. It’s just part of being unforgiving and ignorant. While in the perfect world, gay people are more evolved…in reality, they’re just gay. We’re no different from our ignorant, straight counterparts unless we CHOOSE to be.

      Liking girls doesn’t instantly get you an evolution pass. That’s saying that we’re not “normal” and honey…We ARE normal. We’re just like everyone else and pretty much think just like everyone else…the only difference is we sleep with the same gender. You see what I mean? We’re just as capable of being ignorant and discriminatory. And that’s whats happening in our community.

      So hey, lets just keep fighting the good fight and work on changing folks, one blog post at a time! Haha!

  8. Wow, I love your thoughts!!! You strip it all down to the bare roots of the issue. It was a real joy to read such honesty!
    I’m bi because I don’t like to limit myself to who I could possibly fall in love with. I’m attracted to personalities… sex organs don’t play a big role. Lol, I’m flexible… If I’m attracted to you, I’ll adjust to whatever gender you are. 🙂 I don’t really like labels anyway. But whoever I fall in love with, I will be completely faithful to that soul! I’m a one person gal, all the way.
    It used to bother me about the haters, but I’ve learned to not give a fuck about them and love myself for who I am. I don’t care who disapproves, lol. That’s their problem, and they don’t belong in my life. 🙂 Maybe they’ll cheer up one day and embrace life, pains and all! This life takes a lot of courage!!!
    Anyway… just curious… Are you an INFJ? You’re very intelligent and insightful! ^_^ Thanks again for the wonderful read!!!

    • Hi Beka! Thank you for the lovely compliments!

      And I completely agree that you shouldn’t worry about what other people think. What they eat won’t make you shit and vice versa. You only get one life. Live it for you. If folks don’t like it, they can kick rocks!

      Gosh, I have no idea what my Myers-Brigg is anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve taken the test. Lol, I’d like to think I’m the “good” one though! Spose now I’m thinking about taking that test again. I’ll bet you good money I’m not the same as I was in college.

      Thank you for commenting and keep reading!

  9. Wow, what an amazing post. I’m a LITTLE late to the game in responding, but just came across it today. Funny, when initially reading, I was wondering if the Keisha was being written about me. Lol. Seriously, I’m in the same boat as your friend.

    I’m bi, struggled with it for years and my “friends” identified me as a lesbian as I preferred women. That said, I met a wonderful guy, when single, a few years ago, and we’re now engaged. My lesbian (so-called) friends dropped me like a bad habit, or those that are still in the picture, at arm’s length, mind you, constantly make negative comments or snide remarks about my fiancé.
    One, in particular, who I wanted to include in the wedding party constantly makes comments on FB or via text about my future hubby.
    So, it’s like I’m on a deserted island so to speak.
    I’m still the same girl as before, but they don’t see me that way.

    That all said, I was so glad to see your posting and agree wholeheartedly on all points. Kudos and keep up the great work!

    • I’d say, it’s time for you to make new friends. And you know what? You can still have friends of ALL persuasions. You just have to be on the lookout for people who are inclusive. Here’s the thing about discrimination: It’s a HUMAN thing. Not a gay thing, not a straight thing, an all people, human kind of thing. A person being “different” doesn’t really make them all that different at all.

      Oh, the irony of that.

      I wish you success and happiness in your upcoming nuptials. And I pray you find people that truly care about YOU and not who’s in your bed. Good luck lady!

  10. I have to defend my lesbian sisters here as a bisexual male because they are evolving from these outdated ways. A lesbian stood up for me and a bisexual women against a couple gay dudes and straight woman who wouldn’t quit. It is much worse with gay men toward bisexual. I have seen 3 more bi men expelled from LGBT. It isn’t fair

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