Monday’s Blurbs… October 29, 2012

NewAppleiMac

While I am in love with the new iMac from Apple, I am disgusted that they’re killing the optical drive. It is so annoying when electronic thinness comes at the cost of options. They just want us stuck in iTunes for everything. So proprietary. UGH. Anorexia sucks.

It seems like the healthier the breakfast and lunch are that I bring into work, the fatter the pastries are that someone else brings in that morning. What’s wrong with these damn people? I don’t use my oven for anything but sweet potato fries and Tyson chicken tenders! If I ever leave this company, I’m going to work somewhere with a bunch of young, unmortgaged, childless people who are too broke to share shit. These bitches making me fat!

Last week I finished my early voting ballot and hid it in my bag because I didn’t trust anyone with it. Unfortunately, that same mindset is the reason that this damn ballot is still in my bag, instead of in the mall or turned in somewhere. I have been carrying it around like a deluded, paranoid person. Today, I’ve promised myself to turn it in before I end up crazy AND voteless. I swear this stupid election is giving me anxiety. Politics suck.

I want Greek food today, but it’s not happening because I’m going for greek with my homie on Wednesday. Why can’t today be Wednesday? There are only two super powers that really matter: Teleportation and Time Manipulation. I’m pissed I because I am a superhero and I didn’t get anything close to those powers.

Yes, I just said I am a superhero. The reason why I haven’t been telling people is because I don’t have a costume. Plus, walking around in a costume would make me look like a jackass. This is why I’ve determined that I have to reinvent the concept of a superhero costume. I mean, can you imagine me in spandex? Eww. Anyways, I’ve decided that my costume will include slacks and a kangol. I’m still working on the rest.

PS…my superhero name is Shaq Diesel.

UPDATE: This Blurb actually confirmed my blog name! I was calling myself that too much not to run with it!