My first set of blurbs in 2017

 

eddielong-cropped

The same people that pray for Bishop Eddie Long condemn out and honest gay people. Kim Burrell gave a sermon condemning homosexuality, but had plans to perform on “Ellen,” even though Ellen is the gayest woman in America. The black church has a message problem. Just be anti-gay and stay that way and stop soliciting money, talent, and exposure from the very people you condemn.

shirley-caesar

And yes, I know Shirley Caesar came out in support of Kim Burrell. I’m not surprised and I don’t care because Shirley Ceasar is a gospel thug and I love her. You ain’t black unless you’ve got an old, religious, homophobic family member that you still like. YOU NAME IT!!!

I saw the Chris Brown and Soulja Boy videos. Their tax bracket is too high for me to even care. I mean, if you could actually afford Christmas, why are you mad about anything in January? I don’t understand why rich people beef. Shit, if I actually owned anything I make payments on I’d love every body!

star-tv-show

Do you watch #Star? I like it! Only black folks would think to show how ratchet white folks can really get. White people pretend like they didn’t invent ghetto, but we know the truth! Shoutout to the mom’s of my lightskin cousins! The hood is full of Stars!

Knowing that science says Africans are the original people is exciting, but I won’t lose any sleep arguing about it on the internet with ignorant white people. I’m not even African, I’m African American. That means my bloodline is an unfortunate concoction composed of unlucky slaves that got stripped from their homeland to serve their white rapists. At this point, black Americans DNA is so watered down, we’re about as close to the motherland as the white people.

mariahcarey

I’m so confused by the Mariah Carey fiasco. Like, I thought we’d already accepted she can’t sing like she used to. Some of us can’t flip or run like we used to. Doesn’t mean we couldn’t do it once, nor does it negate our old high school trophies. It just means we’re done. Mariah is done singing like she used to. She should make new songs with her current vocal range or just go be rich. Like, what is the big deal?!

I keep hearing people say they wish they could get food stamps, but none of those people want to go back to the lifestyle it took in order to qualify. Personally, I say fuck food stamps! I’m never so hungry that I want to live back in the projects with no air conditioning. Some of yall done forgot what the hood felt like. Those groceries never tasted as good back then … and they were gone in two weeks, anyway.

Happy 2017. I ain’t saying I’m back, but I did feel like writing something!

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