Saturday’s Blurbs… Sept. 1, 2012

coffeebeans

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I gave up caffeine. It’s not a situation where I’m vowing to never have it again. I enjoy the taste of coffee, tea and an occasional diet soda and I want to be able to have it sometime, but damn if I want to depend on it to make it through my day. Interestingly enough, since I quit, I’ve been shaking like 16 hoes AND their pimps in church! I’ve got random headaches, I’m fatigued, my body is acting all funny and every time someone says the word ‘coffee’ my mouth waters. I am going through withdrawal. Now ain’t that about a bitch?! Caffeine is LEGAL! Our children consume it! I’m telling ya’ll…I now know that the “War on Drugs” is a myth created by the government. It’s a way for politicians to convince us they care, when really they don’t. Our government does not give a shit about drugs, they just care about taxing it. As such, right now, we are only allowed the drugs that they have found a profitable and controllable way to tax: Caffeine, Alcohol, Fast Food, Prescription Drugs and Tobacco. So at this very moment, I’m going to need ALL OF YOU to step off your high horse and stop judging the crackheads and the potheads, because the reality is, we are all strung out on something. You are not ANY better because your drug is legal.

My homegirl and I were talking and I mentioned that I had a Macaroni Grill coupon and that we needed to go. She replied, “Yeah we gotta go today!” And then she said my favorite words: “My treat!” Amen, hallelujah, I’m going to Macaroni Grill today!

My homeboy called me talking about going to Whiskey North tonight, cause another homie is having a party there. I’m laying low this weekend, so I really hadn’t planned on going out, let alone to a club. Then, he just so happened to mention that he could “shoot me a couple of bucks if we have to pay to get in or buy drinks.” which is really just code for “My treat!” Yeahhhhh…I’m probably gonna be in Whiskey North tonight son!

Shoutout to Terry! I just hired his lawyer. You see, the cop was convinced I ran a stop sign. I’m convinced I just didn’t sit there for a long time. I was on my way to work…had to get my scratch, bitches! Suffice to say, we agreed to disagree and now I’m supporting the economy. Hmph.

I’ve got one of those cool water coolers in my place that have the ability to make juice, in addition to hot and cold water. Thing is, I pay monthly for this machine and hardly use it. All that I drink is room temperature water, orange juice and alcohol. This damn machine can’t make any of that! Them bitches at Essio Water is robbing me blind! Mmmhmm. This sucka is going back!

Everyday, I thank God for giving me reminders that no matter how challenging life can be at times, I am infinitely blessed. My life is THE SHIT. The other day, I read about a kid with no feet that plays soccer. And to think, I was mad cause I didn’t have any new Kenneth Cole shoes. Over the course of the past two weeks, a cousin and a close family friend lost their mother. They are devastated. And to think, the other day I was about to cuss my momma out! And today, my former teacher from college posted about how she’s in New Orleans with no power, her house is a million degrees and she’s 6 months pregnant with another baby in the home. And to think, I was just bitching cause TECO charges me an extra $20 bucks if I leave my AC on in the low 70′s. As if it matters when I actually prefer it on 77 or 78 degrees! Mmmhmm…someone ALWAYS has it worse. Be grateful bitches!!!

Between the crazy white lady next door to me, that lives in 580 square feet with a Great Dane, and hates her black boyfriend (She goes on random racist rants that everyone can hear)…and and the crazy white people upstairs that drink beer on the stairs and stomp through my ceiling, chasing their dog all day, while listening to Led Zeppelin so loud I can’t hear my television….and the random, super sun tanned white people that walk up and down the sidewalk barefoot with cigarettes…I am convinced that the new owner of my building is soliciting tenants from a local, redneck trailer park. It’s like the Honey Boo Boo family reunion up in this bitch! Damn if I haven’t came to South Tampa and ended up with the unpleasant white folks. These are the people that regular white people don’t invite to family reunions. On the upside though, lol, at least they don’t steal! See, a reminder to be grateful!

Well, I suppose I’m out of stuff to say. If you’ve managed to get through all this crap, I’ve got a message for ya: Happy Labor Day weekend! Do ALL of the shit I’d do!