For those that don’t know, I like to write blurbs every now and then. They are blog posts composed of a collection of short thoughts, ideas and things that have happened to me. Over the course of the next week, any blurb posted will be a “God Squad” edition, given that my parents arrived in town yesterday. I refer to them as the God Squad because my step father is a pastor, my mother is in training and together, they own a small church. Whenever they visit, I just…well, judge for yourself. So far:
- I exited the shower and was promptly informed by my mother that I needed to get my “hair done.” Now I have a rather interesting poof behind my head, stretching out from braids so tight, I can feel my thoughts.
- My best friend has been informed she needs to drink Lambrusco because it’s the “best, healthiest wine.” I’m suspecting the fact that it’s like $8 at Walmart, for a gargantuan bottle, is why mom felt the need to pass this tidbit on.
- I’ve been told Chipotle burrito bowls are like Taco Bell Cantina Bowls, but “better.” Yeah, tell me something I don’t know mom.
- I had to beg and distract them all morning so that we wouldn’t have to attend Without Walls church. Typically when I’ve heard the phrase “without walls” it didn’t refer to God. That church is suspicious!
- Last night as I prepared to head out with friends, my stepdad called me into the room. Then he picked up a $20 bill from the table and handed it to me with a nice little gleam in his eye. I was 10 years old all over again. Ballin!!!
- Oh, and my, rather interesting, neighbor was anointed in the parking lot by the God Squad. I mean that. They literally put holy oil on her. Then, said rather interesting neighbor promptly caught me in the laundry room to share some of the oil off her head because I looked “stressed.” I just smiled and said thank you. Lol…white people.
- And my absolute favorite moment? My mom chuckling and saying to me, “Oh, you haven’t been having sex hunh? You look good honey! You’re glowing and your skin is clear!” The only thing worse than your pastor mother commenting on your sex life, is her delighting in your LACK of a sex life. Gee, thanks mom. Always fun to be reminded I don’t have anybody!
These people just got here. It’s only been a day…and they’re staying 10!
Jesus be a fence.