The Problem With “Face Pictures” Online

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When I go to a page online and see photos of women, and all they have is face shots, I am instantly ready to pimp slap them. What are you hiding?!

Right now ladies, ask yourself if you’re one of those people. And if you are, I urge you to follow this advice:

  • Find someone to take a picture of you from head to toe.
    This is very important. Use me as an example. I don’t have a fat face. By that, I mean, you can see my neck, I lack double chins…etc. However, if you see a full body shot, you will realize that Shaquea is fat. Do not lie about who you are. They should fall for you…ALL OF YOU.
  • Have multiple pictures.
    Does this really need to be said? You can’t just put up one picture. Sometimes we look different from different angles. Just put it all out there. People ought to see the good side and the bad side.
  • Make sure it’s not a deceiving shot.
    If you have 6 stomachs, I need to see at least 3 of them. Just keep it real! Some people like a bunch of stomachs! Don’t go taking that side picture that makes it appear as if you don’t have a dang beer gut. Some people like beer guts!
  •  Do not use a cell phone with a low quality camera.
    Take that shit with an iPhone or Samsung Galaxy. Or better yet, get a damn digital camera! They’re cheaper than two cell phones combined. Plus, shitty cameras make you look shitty.
  • Dress nice, but not like you’re attending a wedding.
    That’s just desperate. Dress like you’re going to work. Unless you work at Burger King. Then dress like you’re headed to the interview.
  • Don’t do the Duck Face pose!
    Okay, maybe this is a person preference, but man, I sure do hate those photos. And they’re all over the place. And everyone looks equally as stupid in them. UGH!
  • Accept yourself.
    Some people will pass on you because you’re fat. Some will pass on you because you’re too thin. Some will pass on you because you’re shaped funny. SO WHAT! These are the fuckin breaks!

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