I wish I would’ve won the Powerball. Then I’d be sick in Brazil, hanging with my homie Breezy Says on the beach. Instead I’m sick in my apartment in South Tampa, listening to all those damn planes the military has flying during the day and all these ridiculous dogs that my neighbors have. Shit. If I wasn’t so hell bent on finding peace today, I’d seriously be asking myself if maybe there should be more to life.
I’m home sick and it sucks. It sucks that I’m here, because my body sure woke me up like I was heading to work. It sucks that I’m sick, because my whole damn body is aching. Even my damn toes hurt! Basically, this sucks. FUCK TUESDAY!
Last night, when I told my bestie I wasn’t feeling well, she showed up with a bottle of vodka and we watched Scandal. She’s such a good person. I love her.
I don’t like to buy cheap shit. This is not because I’m “stuck up” or “materialistic” or “bougie.” I hate cheap shit, because inevitably, while using cheap shit, you’ll be reminded it’s cheap. At some point, those knock off Frosted Flakes will suddenly have a moment of not quite tasting right. That cheaper juice will leave an after taste. That cheap liquor is going to give you a hangover and those cheaper pants will split down the middle, in a way that the more expensive version didn’t. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a reality thing. You get what you don’t pay for. Sometimes, the cheap shit is better. Publix is good at that. But I’m thinking, maybe 60% of the time, you should’ve just paid for what you wanted.
I dislike Sprint. I dislike their service. I dislike their phone selection. I abhor their website. Overall, I have nothing good to say about them. With that being said, I have been a pissed off Sprint customer for many years. That I currently know of, there is no financial equivalent of my current plan on any of the other carriers. Yes, I’m being cheap. You get what you don’t pay for.
Today, I’ve decided that I’m going to try very hard not to analyze my life. I’m not going to think about whether or not this is the relationship that lasts, I’m not going to think about whether or not I can actually be a better mom than my own, I’m not going to worry about whether or not my job will last, I’m not going to worry about my weight or what I eat or how much I drink, I’m not going to worry about my own mortality, I’m not going to worry about all these damn bills or that bitch Sallie Mae and I’m leaving absolutely, positively, no mental space for fear of failure. Today, I need a break. Because really, nobody knows how it all ends anyway. Maybe if I pull this off, I’ll try to do the same tomorrow. You take baby steps to find peace.