Tuesday’s Blurbs: The Shout-out Edition

Photo of Jordan Peele taken by Cullen Tobin for Vanity Fair

Shout-out to Jordan Peele. Did yall know he only spent 4.5 million to make “Get Out?” That movie made over 250 million at the box office. That’s like buying one of those $1 scratch offs and actually winning the jackpot!
Mannnnn … shout-out to Jeremy Meeks! Yall remember “Prison Bae?” I follow dude on Instagram. He done dumped his wife, got a new billionaire heiress for a girlfriend and he’s traveling all over the world. Just think. Dude was in prison for like 10 years (or something like that), and now he’s chillin in the South of France! A come up is a come up!
Shout-out to Quantasia Sharpton. This woman has simultaneously gotten white America to type out “Quantasia,” started a conversation on the fat shaming of black women (and exposed yall hateful asses), started a second conversation about how much men actually DO like fat women (I had a dude holla at me once and we had on the same damn outfit), connected herself to Usher WITHOUT having herpes, and managed to get herself a little bit of fame. If she turns this foolishness into a payday, even better for her! Is this some stupid shit? Yes, but many of yall do stupid all the time for free and don’t nobody know how to spell YOUR name.
Now yall know I have to send a shout-out to Walmart. It’s back to school time. They done made one BILLION dollars on folders, sharpies, and Kleenex.
Man, shout-out to Tasha on “Insecure” for finally telling Lawrence what every sane person that watches this show screams out every episode. You are a FUCK NIGGA!!!
Now, you know I had to send a shout-out to that last episode of Game of Thrones. The episode was only 50 minutes and it felt like some of the best television, ever.

Image: Getty/Kevin Winter

Actually, this is a double shout-out, because Game of Thrones creators David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are doing something so right that HBO has decided to stand by their new show “Confederate.” And what is “Confederate” about? I’m glad you asked. HBO says:
Confederate is a show that will explore an alternate history of the United States wherein the Southern states won the first civil war and successfully seceded from the Union, giving rise to a nation in which slavery remains legal and has evolved into a modern institution.”
Yes, you read that correctly. Now aint that some shit? in 2017, a major network is supporting a show by two white men that’s about slavery still existing. Who are the real MVPs? White men!
I’d like to end this with a very special shout-out for all of the white men in America. Our president has proven yall don’t need to be good at it, nor do you even have to appear sane, to run this world. If Oprah inspires me, why doesn’t this man inspire you? You can literally do anything you put your mind to. SO WHY ARE YALL STILL MAD? Why don’t you have more hope? You don’t even have to be good enough. Quit your moaning and complaining, soak up that white male privilege and go get in charge of something. You can do it! Put your Twitter fingers into it!

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