Have you seen the movie “Life of Pi”? No? Well go see it!
I’m invited to 3 parties this Saturday. In St. Pete, SoHo and Carrollwood. That’s 3 different sections of Tampa Bay. I want to attend all three. Something is going to turn out wrong. (Don’t even get me started on gas.) Explain to me why one of these damn parties can’t be on Friday?! Newsflash people: Saturday isn’t the only day to throw a party!
This morning my awesome new blender, that I’ve been bragging about, burned out. I’ve only made 4 freaking smoothies! That thing started shaking like a hoe in church, smoking like a Cuban in Ybor and finally it made spark sounds. Lord Jesus, my house smelled like there was a fire. Now I’m taking this damn blender back to Tuesday Morning. Aint nobody got time for dat!
Speaking of that blender, aint it funny how, once you start trying to do a good thing, something goes wrong? The devil doesn’t want me to drink smoothies, he wants me to drink wine. Well, the devil is a liar! At least until March 3.
I recently spent $1,100 cleaning up my credit. It felt wonderful. Usually I spend money, it’s awesome, then I lay down in bed cursing myself out for visiting the strip club when I know my TECO bill is due. Lately though, I’m sleeping like a baby. I’m one step closer to better credit and buying my house and it feels good. I am such a good fucking catch right now!
Clive Davis just came out as being bisexual. I’d like to say, as a gay American, that I’m instantly empowered by celebrities coming out, but I’m not. I’m just grossed out. Nobody wants to think of old people having sex, period. Eww. Nassy Clive!
Tuesday was ladies night at the gun range. A friend invited me along. You get free bullets on ladies night. I guess that’s supposed to be exciting?! Anyways, I feel like, since I want to buy a house soon, I should invest in a weapon. I also still feel like, if I get a gun, whomever I end up dating will shoot me with the gun like I dreamed. I’ve decided that I’m not getting a gun until I feel that dream won’t come true. Look at the Blade Runner’s girlfriend. It can happen.
I’ve written my piece for Oral Fixation. I don’t know if I like it though. It’s preachy. Who wants to hear a preachy ass poem? I need someone to read this thing over. Any volunteers?
Happy Hump Day! If you’re humping, must be nice! Some of us are single. Bitches.